* *

"VACUUM for Sale, good condition. After 6 o'clock."--_Provincial
Paper._

Our own is generally at its best about an hour and a-half later.

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[Illustration: _Mistress_ (_returned from shopping_). "HAS ANYONE CALLED,
LAURA, WHILE I'VE BEEN OUT?"

_Laura_ (_newly from the country and eager to display her progress in urban
manners_). "NO, MA'AM, ONLY THE TELEPHONE RANG, MA'AM, AND I DID PUT ON MY
CLEAN CAP AND APRON TO ANSWER IT, MA'AM."]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)

"A tough hide and some facility of expression"--to quote the author's
modest estimate of his qualifications--have enabled Rear-Admiral Sir
DOUGLAS BROWNRIGG to make his _Indiscretions of the Naval Censor_ (CASSELL)
the liveliest book of the War that has come my way. Thanks to the first
element in his make-up he managed to retain his difficult and delicate post
throughout the War, and only once came into serious collision with any of
his official superiors. As these included First Lords of such diverse
temperament as Mr. CHURCHILL and Lord FISHER, and First Sea Lords with such
diametrically opposite views regarding publicity as Lord FISHER and Sir
HENRY JACKSON, this was no small achievement. Thanks to the second element
he has written a book which scarcely contains a dull page. Whether he is
giving us a pen-picture of Mr. CHURCHILL conducting Admiralty business from
a sick-bed, with his head swathed in flannel and an immense cigar
protruding from the bandage; or explaining how the legend of Lord
KITCHENER'S survival arose from a trivial error that caused the news of the
_Hampshire_ disaster to reach Berlin a few minutes before it was published
in London, he always writes with directness and _verve_. Admiral BROWNRIGG
tells a good deal about the censorship, and illustrates his theme with some
excellent reproductions of naval photographs before and after the Censor
had "re-touched" them. He tells us even more about his work in a less
familiar _role_, that of Publicity Agent to the Silent Service. It was he
who arranged visits to the Fleet by more or less distinguished personages--
"BROWNRIGG'S circus parties," as they were dubbed in the gun-room--and who
engaged authors like Mr. KIPLING and artists like Sir JOHN LAVERY to
describe and portray the doings of the Fleet and its auxiliaries. It pains
me to learn,