r ken their charms do cover,
From every eye but _Muses' lover_;
In name of every ugly GOD;
Whose beauty scarce outshines a toad;
In name of PROSERPINE and PLUTO,
Who board in hell's sublimest grotto;
In name of CERBERUS and FURIES,
Those damned _aristocrats_ and tories;
In presence of two witnesses,
Who are as homely as you please,
Who are in truth, I'd not belie 'em,
Ten times as ugly, faith, as I am;
But being, as most people tell us,
A pair of jolly clever fellows,
And classmates likewise, at this time,
They sha'n't be honored in my rhyme.
I--I say I, now make this will;
Let those whom I assign fulfil.
I give, grant, render, and convey
My goods and chattels thus away:
That _honor of a college life_,
_That celebrated_ UGLY KNIFE,
Which predecessor SAWNEY[69] orders,
Descending to time's utmost borders,
To _noblest bard of homeliest phiz_,
To have and hold and use as his;
I now present C----s P----y S----r,[70]
To keep with his poetic lumber,
To scrape his quid, and make a split,
To point his pen for sharpening wit;
And order that he ne'er abuse
Said Ugly Knife, in dirtier use,
And let said CHARLES, that best of writers,
In prose satiric skilled to bite us,
And equally in verse delight us,
Take special care to keep it clean
From unpoetic hands,--I ween.
And when those walls, the Muses' seat,
Said S----r is obliged to quit,
Let some one of APOLLO'S firing,
To such heroic joys aspiring,
Who long has borne a poet's name,
With said knife cut his way to fame.

"I give to those that fish for parts,
Long sleepless nights, and aching hearts,
A little soul, a fawning spirit,
With half a grain of plodding merit,
Which is, as Heaven I hope will say,
Giving what's not my own away.

"Those _oven baked_ or _goose egg folded_,
Who, though so often I have told it,
With all my documents to show it,
Will scarce believe that I'm a poet,
I give of criticism the lens
With half an ounce of common sense.

"And 't would a breach be of humanity,
Not to bequeath D---n[71] my vanity;
For 'tis a rule direct from Heaven,
_To him that hath, more shall be given_.

"_Item_. Tom M----n,[72] COLLEGE LION,
Who'd ne'er spend cash enough to buy one,
The BOANERGES of a pun,
A man of science and of fun,
That quite uncommon witty elf,
Who darts his bolts and shoots himself,
Who oft hath bled beneath my