24th. Had he been
in town he might, in a melancholy reverie caused by the incorrigible
light-heartedness of his fellow-countrymen, have wandered bang into
the danger zone. No one can be too thankful that he did not.

* * * * *

Sir HENRY WOOD'S project to play TCHAIKOVSKY'S "1812" in such
perfect time that the audience will have the pleasure of hearing our
anti-aircraft men supply the big-gun effects, although laudable, is,
it is feared, doomed to failure.

* * * * *

There was no air raid over London on Wednesday the 26th. The sudden
noise (which happily produced no panic) in His Majesty's Theatre was
merely Miss LILY BRAYTON dropping the clothes she was not wearing.

* * * * *

A CONSTANT RAIDER writes:--"It is understood that the German
airmen's motto--borrowed, without acknowledgment, from the dental
profession--is 'We spare no panes.'"

* * * * *

In view of recent events Miss TENNYSON JESSE is considering whether
her new novel, _Secret Bread_, should be renamed _Air-raided Bread_.

* * * * *

Mr. CHARLES COCHRAN is very anxious that it should be known that not a
single bomb hit him. Had any of them done so, the consequences might
have been very serious. This happy immunity being his, he wishes it
also to be known that his various and meritorious theatres are doing
even more astonishing business than before.

* * * * *

Mr. COCHRAN, however, together with other theatrical managers, has a
dangerous rival. The raids are threatening to ruin the matinees now so
prevalent by setting up counter attractions. The thousands of people
(not only errand-boys) who now stand all day to watch the workmen mend
a hole in the roadway caused by a bomb would otherwise, but for this
engrossing and never tedious spectacle, be in this theatre or that.

* * * * *

Mr. HALL CAINE telegraphs from the Isle of Man that no bombs having
fallen there he remains intact.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "GOOD NEWS, LADS; WE'VE GOT A CHANGE FER TEA TO-NIGHT."
"WHAT IS IT?" "ROUND BISCUITS INSTEAD O' SQUARE ONES."]

* * * * *

THE IDEAL LODGER.

"Wanted, two Single Rooms, in private or boarding house; special
arrangements for constant absence."--_Aus