e
House of Commons, and only people who are dull ever succeed there.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Why don't you try to do something useful in life?

LORD GORING. I am far too young.

LORD CAVERSHAM. [_Testily_.] I hate this affectation of youth, sir. It
is a great deal too prevalent nowadays.

LORD GORING. Youth isn't an affectation. Youth is an art.

LORD CAVERSHAM. Why don't you propose to that pretty Miss Chiltern?

LORD GORING. I am of a very nervous disposition, especially in the
morning.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I don't suppose there is the smallest chance of her
accepting you.

LORD GORING. I don't know how the betting stands to-day.

LORD CAVERSHAM. If she did accept you she would be the prettiest fool in
England.

LORD GORING. That is just what I should like to marry. A thoroughly
sensible wife would reduce me to a condition of absolute idiocy in less
than six months.

LORD CAVERSHAM. You don't deserve her, sir.

LORD GORING. My dear father, if we men married the women we deserved, we
should have a very bad time of it.

[_Enter_ MABEL CHILTERN.]

MABEL CHILTERN. Oh! . . . How do you do, Lord Caversham? I hope Lady
Caversham is quite well?

LORD CAVERSHAM. Lady Caversham is as usual, as usual.

LORD GORING. Good morning, Miss Mabel!

MABEL CHILTERN. [_Taking no notice at all of_ LORD GORING, _and
addressing herself exclusively to_ LORD CAVERSHAM.] And Lady Caversham's
bonnets . . . are they at all better?

LORD CAVERSHAM. They have had a serious relapse, I am sorry to say.

LORD GORING. Good morning, Miss Mabel!

MABEL CHILTERN. [_To_ LORD CAVERSHAM.] I hope an operation will not be
necessary.

LORD CAVERSHAM. [_Smiling at her pertness_.] If it is, we shall have to
give Lady Caversham a narcotic. Otherwise she would never consent to
have a feather touched.

LORD GORING. [_With increased emphasis_.] Good morning, Miss Mabel!

MABEL CHILTERN. [_Turning round with feigned surprise_.] Oh, are you
here? Of course you understand that after your breaking your appointment
I am never going to speak to you again.

LORD GORING. Oh, please don't say such a thing. You are the one person
in London I really like to have to listen to me.

MABEL CHILTERN. Lord Goring, I never believe a single word that either
you or I say to each other.

LORD CAVERSHAM. You are quite right, my dear, quite right . . . as far
as he is concerned, I mean.

MABEL CHILTERN. Do you think you could