of that sort except at meals, and then only the best wine in
genteel quantities. But I was bound to have one lark, and then I would
stop and begin to live like a merchant-tailor, with no family nor poor
relations."

"But what did you do?" asked Mrs. Cliff. "If it was a lark without
liquor, I want to hear about it."

"It was a temperance lark, ma'am," said Burke, "and this is what it was.

"Now, though I have been to sea ever since I was a boy, I never had
command of any kind of craft, and it struck me that I would like to
finish up my life on the ocean wave by taking command of a vessel. It
is generally understood that riches will give you anything you want, and
I said to myself that my riches should give me that. I didn't want a
sailin' vessel. I was tired of sailin' vessels. I wanted a steamer, and
when I commanded a steamer for a little while I would stop short and be
a landsman for the rest of my life.

"So I went up to Brest, where I thought I might find some sort of
steamer which might suit me, and in that harbor I did find an English
steamer, which had discharged her cargo and was expectin' to sail again
pretty much in ballast and brandy, so far as I could make out. I went to
this vessel and I made an offer to her captain to charter her for an
excursion of one week--that was all I wanted.

"Well, I'm not going to bother you, Mrs. Cliff, with all that was said
and done about this little business, which seemed simple enough, but
which wasn't. There are people in this world who think that if you have
money you can buy anything you want, but such people might as well get
ready to change their opinions if they ever expect to come into money."

"That is true," said Mrs. Cliff; "every word of it is true, as I have
found out for myself!"

"Well," continued Burke, "there had to be a lot of telegraphin' to the
owners in London and a general fuss with the officers of the port about
papers, and all that, but I got the business through all right; for if
money won't get you everything, it's a great help in making things slip
along easy. And so one fine afternoon I found myself on board that
steamer as commander for one week.

"Of course, I didn't want to give orders to the crew, but I intended to
give my orders to the captain, and tell him what he was to do and what
he was not to do for one week. He didn't like that very much, for he was
inclined to bulldogism, but I paid him extra wages, and he agreed to
knuckle unde