payment of a good round sum (let it
be pretty large, for the ready is required), a man shall be exempt from the
present legal consequences of any crime or crimes he may hereafter commit;
or, if this be thought an extravagant scheme, and not likely to take with
the public, at least let a list of prices be drawn up, that a man may know,
at a glance, at what cost he may gratify a pet crime or favourite little
foible. Thus:--

For cutting one's own child's head off--so much. (I really think I would
fix this at a high price, although I am well aware it has been done for
nothing.)

For murdering a father or a mother--a good sum.

For ditto, a grand ditto, or a great-grand ditto--not so much: their
leases, it is presumed, being about to fall in.

Uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, companions, and the community in
general--in proportion.

The cost of assaults and batteries, and other diversions, might be easily
arranged; only I must remark, that for assaulting policemen I would charge
high; that being, like the Italian Opera, for the most part, the
entertainment of the nobility.

You may object that the propounding such a scheme would be discreditable,
and that the thing is unprecedented. Reflect, my dear PUNCH, for an
instant. Surely, nothing can be deemed to be discreditable by a Whig
government, after the cheap sugar, cheap timber, cheap bread rigs. Why,
this is just what might have been expected from them. I wonder they had not
hit upon it. How it would have "agitated the masses!"

As to the want of a precedent, that is easily supplied. Pardons for all
sorts and sizes of crimes were commonly bought and sold in the reign of
James I.; nay, pardon granted in anticipation of crimes to be at a future
time committed.

After all, you see, Mr. Dyer's idea was not altogether original.

Your affectionate friend,

CHRISTOPHER SLY.

_Pump_ Court.

P.S.--Permit me to congratulate you on the determination you have come to,
of entering the literary world. Your modesty may be alarmed, but I must
tell you that several of our "popular and talented" authors are commonly
thought to be greatly indebted to you. They are said to derive valuable
hints from you, particularly in their management of the pathetic.

Keep a strict eye upon your wife, Judith. You say she will superintend your
notices of the fashions, &c.; but I fear she has been already too long and
exclusively employed on certain newspapers and other periodicals. Her styl