my very dear friends, I will
first beg you to observe the peculiar qualities of the contents of this
little phial. You observe, that there is not more than sixty drops in
it, yet will these sixty drops add ten years to a man's life--for it
will cure him of almost as many diseases. In the first place, are any of
you troubled with the _ascites_, or dropsy, which, as the celebrated
Galen hath declared, may be divided into three parts, the _ascites_, the
_anasarca_, and the _tympanites_. The diagnostics of this disease are,
swelling of the abdomen or stomach, difficulty of breathing, want of
appetite, and a teasing cough. I say, have any of you this disease?
None. Then I thank Heaven that you are not so afflicted.

"The next disease it is good for, is the _peripneumonia_, or
inflammation on the lungs--the diagnostics or symptoms of which are, a
small pulse, swelling of the eyes, and redness of the face. Say, have
any of you these symptoms--if so, you have the disease. No one. I thank
Heaven that you are none of you so afflicted.

"It is also a sovereign remedy for the _diarrhoea_, the diagnostics of
which are, faintness, frequent gripings, rumbling in the bowels, cold
sweats, and spasm."

Here one man came forward and complained of frequent gripings--another
of rumbling in the bowels, and two or three more of cold sweats.

"It is well. O I thank Heaven that I am here to administer to you
myself! for what says Hippocrates? _Relativum cum antecedente
concordat_, which means, that remedies quickly applied, kill the disease
in its birth. Here, my friends, take it--take it--pay me only one
shilling and be thankful. When you go to rest, fail not to offer up your
prayers. It is also a sovereign remedy for the dreadful _chiragra_ or
gout. I cured the whole corporation of city aldermen last week, by their
taking three bottles each, and they presented me with the freedom of the
city of London, in a gold box, which I am sorry that I have forgotten to
bring with me. Now the _chiragra_ may be divided into several varieties.
_Gonagra_, when it attacks the knees--_chiragra_, if in the
hands--_onagra_, if in the elbow--_omagra_, if in the shoulder, and
_lumbago_, if in the back. All these are varieties of gout, and for all
these the contents of this little bottle is a sovereign remedy; and,
observe, it will keep for ever. Twenty years hence, when afflicted in
your old age--and the time will come, my good people--you may take down
this