rumpet in his hand,
and the latter riding on a donkey. On their arrival at the market-place,
Num commenced blowing it with all his might, while Timothy, in his
spangled dress, as soon as they had collected a crowd, stood upon his
saddle, and harangued the people as follows:--

"Gentlemen and ladies--I have the honour to announce to you the arrival
in this town of the celebrated Doctor Appallacheosmocommetico, who has
travelled farther than the sun and faster than a comet. He hath visited
every part of the globe. He has smoked the calumet with the Indians of
North America--he has hunted with the Araucas in the South--galloped on
wild horses over the plains of Mexico, and rubbed noses with the
Esquimaux. He hath used the chopsticks with the Chinese, swung the
Cherok pooga with the Hindoos, and put a new nose on the Great Cham of
Tartary. He hath visited and been received in every court of Europe:
danced on the ice of the Neva with the Russians--led the mazurka with
the Poles--waltzed with the Germans--tarantulaed with the
Italians--fandangoed with the Spanish--and quadrilled with the French.
He hath explored every mine in the universe, walked through every town
on the continent, examined every mountain in the world, ascended Mont
Blanc, walked down the Andes, and run up the Pyrenees. He has been into
every volcano in the globe, and descending by Vesuvius has been thrown
up by Stromboli. He has lived more than a thousand years, and is still
in the flower of his youth. He has had one hundred and forty sets of
teeth one after another, and expects a new set next Christmas. His whole
life has been spent in the service of mankind, and in doing good to his
fellow-creatures; and having the experience of more than a thousand
years, he cures more than a thousand diseases. Gentlemen, the wonderful
doctor will present himself before you this evening, and will then tell
you what his remedies are good for, so that you may pick and choose
according to your several complaints. Ladies, the wonderful doctor can
greatly assist you: he has secrets by which you may have a family if you
should so wish--philters to make husbands constant, and salve to make
them blind--cosmetics to remove pimples and restore to youth and beauty,
and powders to keep children from squalling. Sound the trumpet,
Philotas; sound, and let every body know that the wonderful Doctor
Appallacheosmocommetico has vouchsafed to stop here and confer his
blessings upon the inh