o it would have been delightful, but perhaps, in that
case, every American would have been a Diogenes.

The Russell House at Sauk Rapids was presided over by Dr. Chase.
According to his card, Dr. Chase conferred more benefactions upon the
human race for the very smallest remuneration than any man living. His
hotel was situated in the loveliest portion of Minnesota, commanding the
magnificent rapids of the Mississippi; his board and lodging were of the
choicest description; horses and buggies were free, gratis, and medical
attendance was also uncharged for. Finally, the card intimated that, upon
turning over, still more astonishing revelations would meet the eye of
the reader. Prepared for some terrible instance of humane abnegation on
the part of Dr. Chase, I proceeded to do, as directed, and, turning over
the card, read, "Present of a $500 greenback"!!! The gift of the green
back was attended with some little drawback, inasmuch as it was
conditional upon paying to Dr. Chase the sum of $20,000 for the goodwill,
etc., of his hotel, farm, and appurtenances, or procuring a purchaser for
them at that figure, which was, as a matter of course, a ridiculously low
one. Two damsels who assisted Dr. Chase in ministering to the wants of
his guests at dinner had a very appalling manner of presenting to the
frightened feeder his choice of viands. The solemn silence which usually
pervades the dinner-table of an American hotel was nowhere more
observable than in this Doctor's establishment; whether it was from the
fact that each guest suffered under a painful knowledge of the superhuman
efforts which the Doctor was making for his or her benefit, I cannot say;
but I never witnessed the proverbially frightened appearance of the
American people at meals to such a degree as at the dinner-table of the
Sauk Hotel. When the damsels before alluded to commenced their
peregrinations round the table, giving in terribly terse language the
choice of meats, the solemnity of the proceeding could not have been
exceeded. "Pork or beef?" "Pork," would answer the trembling feeder;
"Beef or pork?" "Beef," would again reply the guest, grasping eagerly at
the first name which struck upon his ear. But when the second course came
round the damsels presented us with a choice of a very mysterious nature
indeed. I dimly heard two names being uttered into the ears of my
fellow-eaters, and I just had time to notice the paralyzing effect which
the communication app