score
times did I ride backwards and forwards from the Palace to the Gore,
making myself the subject of observation to all passengers whether on
horseback or on foot; who, no doubt, wondered to see a well-dressed and
well-mounted man, sometimes ambling, sometimes prancing, (as the beast
had more fire than his master) backwards and forwards in so short a
compass!

Yet all this time, though longing to espy the fellow, did I dread to meet
him, lest he should be charged with fatal tidings.

When at distance I saw any man galloping towards me, my
resemblance-forming fancy immediately made it to be him; and then my
heart choked me. But when the person's nearer approach undeceived me,
how did I curse the varlet's delay, and thee, by turns! And how ready
was I to draw my pistol at the stranger, for having the impudence to
gallop; which none but my messenger, I thought, had either right or
reason to do! For all the business of the world, I am ready to imagine,
should stand still on an occasion so melancholy and so interesting to me.
Nay, for this week past, I could cut the throat of any man or woman I see
laugh, while I am in such dejection of mind.

I am now convinced that the wretches who fly from a heavy scene, labour
under ten times more distress in the intermediate suspense and
apprehension, than they could have, were they present at it, and to see
and know the worst: so capable is fancy or imagination, the more
immediate offspring of the soul, to outgo fact, let the subject be either
joyous or grievous.

And hence, as I conceive, it is, that all pleasures are greater in the
expectation, or in the reflection, than in fruition; as all pains, which
press heavy upon both parts of that unequal union by which frail
mortality holds its precarious tenure, are ever most acute in the time of
suffering: for how easy sit upon the reflection the heaviest misfortunes,
when surmounted!--But most easy, I confess, those in which body has more
concern than soul. This, however, is a point of philosophy I have
neither time nor head just now to weigh: so take it as it falls from a
madman's pen.

Woe be to either of the wretches who shall bring me the fatal news that
she is no more! For it is but too likely that a shriek-owl so hated will
never hoot or scream again; unless the shock, that will probably disorder
my whole frame on so sad an occasion, (by unsteadying my hand,) shall
divert my aim from his head, heart, or bowels, if it