by Professor Aaron E.
Honeypott, but when I tried some on my wife she laughed so she rolled on
the floor. I know now that when I sweats at a dance I'm not to hang my
collar on the chandileer, or press bottled beer on my partner. If ever I
get to a town I'm to take the outside of the sidewalk, wipe my gums on
the mat, and wash before I use them roller towels. But it doesn't say
when I'm to wear my boots inside my pants, or how old Honeypott chews
without having to spit, or what to say when Jones kicks me in the
morning, or in deadfall timber, or when a bear dislikes me, or any
unusual accident in this vale of tears; and there ain't one word about
robbers.

Which these robbers we got in the cave is a disappointment. This old man
what leads them with a plume on his face, ought to have more deportment,
for screwing a gun in Kate's ear ain't no sort of manners. Even after
I'd shot his hand to chips, he grabbed Ransome's gun with his left and
tried to make me lie down. There's some folks jest don't know when you
give them a hint.

And Bull, with the sad eyes, ought to comport himself around like a
Honeypott, seeing the way he was raised, and how he claims on me his
ancient friendship. While we lashed his thumbs behind him, he told us
he'd been educated at Oxford and Cambridge.

"What!" Kate flashed out, "after leaving Eton and Harrow?"

"Yes, and I've enough education to guess this ain't no way to treat
American citizens. You'll hear of this," he shouted, "from Uncle Sam!"

"Thar," says Dale, "I knew there'd be rewards for you, dead or alive.
How much? Two thousand dollars a head?"

Then old Whiskers ordered this Bull to shut his head. He's a curious,
slow, mournful voice, like a cat with the toothache.

"I demand--"

"Shut up."

So Bull shut up while we lashed him, likewise young Ginger and the
greaser. Seeing the fellow I'd killed might want an inquest, we laid him
straight in the ruined shack, and then marched our prisoners off to
South Cave, where they'll wait until we get our constable to arrest
them.

II

Now on the second day after we captures these ladrones, along toward
supper, the depositions of the various parties is as follows, viz.:

Up to the ruined shack two mile north of my home, lies the remains of
one robber expecting an inquest. Two miles south, right where the upper
cliff cuts off the end of our pasture, there's our cave full of captured
bandits, to wit; Whiskers, Bull Durham, Ginger, an