imes on the hike from meet to meet. Other times have jolly
parties, but I'd like to sit down with the Cowleses and play poker and
not have to explain who I am.

Funny--never used to feel lonely when I was bumming around on freights
and so on, not paying any special attention to anybody.

_October 23_: I wonder how far I'll ever get as an aviator? The
newspapers all praise me as a hero. Hero, hell! I'm a pretty steady
flier but so would plenty of chauffeurs be. This hero business is
mostly bunk, it was mostly chance my starting to fly at all. Don't
suppose it is all accident to become as great a flier as Garros or
Vedrines or Beachey, but I'm never going to be a Garros, I guess. Like
the man that can jump twelve feet but never can get himself to go any
farther.

_December 1_: Carmeau killed yesterday, flying at San Antone. Motor
backfire, machine caught fire, burned him to death in the air. He was
the best teacher I could have had, patient and wise. I can't write
about him. And I can't get this insane question out of my mind: Was
his beard burned? I remember just how it looked, and think of that
when all the time I ought to remember how clever and darn decent he
was. Carmeau will never show me new stunts again.

And Ely killed in October, Cromwell Dixon gone--the plucky youngster,
Professor Montgomery, Nieuport, Todd Shriver whom Martin Dockerill and
Hank Odell liked so much, and many others, all dead, like Moisant. I
don't think I take any undue risks, but it makes me stop and think.
And Hank Odell with a busted shoulder. Captain Paul Beck once told me
he believed it was mostly carelessness, these accidents, and he
certainly is a good observer, but when I think of a careful
constructor like Nieuport----

Punk money I'm making. Thank heaven there will be one more good year
of the game, 1912, but I don't know about 1913. Looks like the
exhibition game would blow up then--nearly everybody that wants to has
seen an aeroplane fly once, now, and that's about all they want, so
good bye aviation, except for military use and flying boats for
sportsmen. At least good bye during a slump of several years.

Hope to thunder Forrest and I will be able to make our South American
hike, even if it costs every cent I have. That will be something like
it, seeing new country instead of scrapping with fair managers about
money.

_December 22_: Hoorray! Christmas time at sea! Quite excite to smell
the ocean again and go rolling down