res carrying a bag in
one hand and an umbrella in the other, stepping lightly on to a Bilbury
corporation tram, station bound. This is the counsel for the prosecution
(still me), his grave responsibilities honourably discharged, hurrying
back to the vortex of metropolitan life.

F. O. L.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Vicar._ "I UNDERSTAND FROM THE DOCTOR THAT YOUR HUSBAND
IS HEARING BETTER WITH THIS EAR."

_Darby._ "EH, WHAT? WHAT'S 'E SAY, JOAN?"

_Joan._ "'E SAYS 'E UNDERSTANDS FROM THE DOCTOR THAT YOU'RE 'EARING
BETTER WITH THAT THERE."]

* * * * *

From a stores catalogue:--

"THE ---- WRINGER.

Guaranteed for one year--Fair wear and tear excepted."

There is always a catch somewhere.

* * * * *

"A consignment of Rumanian eggs has arrived in this country.
This shipment, which is the first to arrive since the war closed
this source of supply in 1914, consists of 100 cases, each
containing 1914 eggs."--_Scots Paper._

Referring, we trust, to the number and not the vintage.

* * * * *

"CONTRACTS, TENDERS, &c.

The Great Northern Railway Company.

Allegro moderato } from String }
Notturno ....... } Quartet, No. 2, } Borodine.
} in D }

STORES CONTRACTS."

_Daily Paper._

It is generally supposed that the company entertains the idea of
attempting to "soothe the savage breast" of the MINISTER OF TRANSPORT.

* * * * *

THE LETTERS I NEVER POST.

_I met a philosopher the other day--he is not a philosopher by
profession, but an architect--who told me that, when annoyed by the
anomalies and petty red-tape restrictions of life or irritated by
incompetence and incivility, or even when he feels that he can amend
somebody else's error or propose an improvement, it is his habit to
write a letter expressing his indignation or embodying his suggestions._

_After remarking that he must be kept very busy I asked him what kind of
replies he got._

"_Oh, I don't get any replies," he said, "because, you see, I don't send
the letters; I only write them and then I tear them up._"

_This is how I knew that he was a philosopher._

_I propose to take to philosophy myself._

* * *

TO A TAXI-DRIVER.

DEAR SIR,--(You must understand, as must all the