haves their bristles, and so on,
and so on; one man for each job, and all at it at once; they do it very
expeditiously. Well, there's an interfering fellow sent there by the
Government (we wouldn't stand him in England), and if a pig has a sign
of tuberculosis on him he won't let that pig go down. Now you'd think
that pig was wasted. He isn't. He goes into soap. Now, Splurge, how many
cakes of soap were used in the world last year?

SPLURGE (_getting up_): Last year? I don't think we have the figures in
for last year yet, sir.

[_He goes to bookshelf._

SLADDER: Well, the year before will do.

SPLURGE: (_taking book and turning pages_): The figures are given, I
think, sir, from the 1st of March to the 1st of March.

SLADDER: That will do.

SPLURGE: Ah, here it is, sir. Soap statistics for the twelve months
ending 1st of March this year. A hundred and four million users, using
on an average twenty cakes each per year. Then there are partial users,
and occasional users. The total would be about twenty-one hundred
million, sir.

SLADDER: Pure waste, Splurge, all pure waste.

SPLURGE: Waste, sir?

SLADDER: Pure waste. What do you suppose becomes of all that soap, all
that good fat? Proteids, I think they call 'em. And proteids are _good_
for you, Splurge.

SPLURGE: What _becomes_ of them, sir? They're used up.

SLADDER: No, Splurge. They disappear, I grant you. They float away. But
they're still there Splurge, they're still there. All that good fat is
somewhere.

SPLURGE: But--but, sir--but--In the drains, sir?

SLADDER: All those million of cakes of soap. There must be tons of it,
Splurge. And we'll _get_ it.

SPLURGE: You are a wonderful man, sir.

SLADDER: O, I've a few brains, Splurge. That anyone might have. But I
use mine, that's all. There's cleverer people than me in the world----

SPLURGE: No, sir.

SLADDER: O, yes, there are. Lots of them. But they're damned fools. And
why? 'Cause they don't use their brains. They mess about learning Greek.
Greek! Can you believe it? What good does Greek ever do them?... But the
money's not made yet, Splurge.

SPLURGE: I'm having it well advertised, sir.

SLADDER: Not so fast. What if they won't eat it?

SPLURGE: O, they'll eat it all right when it's advertised, sir. They eat
everything that's advertised.

SLADDER: What if they can't eat it, Splurge?

SPLURGE: Can't, sir?

SLADDER: Send for my daughter.

SPLURGE: Yes, sir. (_He rises and goes to th