A heavy anger sank like a cold weight on his heart, and he felt
tempted to say something rude to Masha, and even to jump up and hit
her; his heart began throbbing.

"So then," he asked, restraining himself, "since I went to your
house, I was bound in duty to marry you?"

"Of course. You know that very well."

"That's nice." And a minute later he repeated: "That's nice."

To relieve the throbbing of his heart, and to avoid saying too much,
Nikitin went to his study and lay down on the sofa, without a pillow;
then he lay on the floor on the carpet.

"What nonsense it is!" he said to reassure himself. "You are a
teacher, you are working in the noblest of callings. . . . What
need have you of any other world? What rubbish!"

But almost immediately he told himself with conviction that he was
not a real teacher, but simply a government employe, as commonplace
and mediocre as the Czech who taught Greek. He had never had a
vocation for teaching, he knew nothing of the theory of teaching,
and never had been interested in the subject; he did not know how
to treat children; he did not understand the significance of what
he taught, and perhaps did not teach the right things. Poor Ippolit
Ippolititch had been frankly stupid, and all the boys, as well as
his colleagues, knew what he was and what to expect from him; but
he, Nikitin, like the Czech, knew how to conceal his stupidity and
cleverly deceived every one by pretending that, thank God, his
teaching was a success. These new ideas frightened Nikitin; he
rejected them, called them stupid, and believed that all this was
due to his nerves, that he would laugh at himself.

And he did, in fact, by the morning laugh at himself and call himself
an old woman; but it was clear to him that his peace of mind was
lost, perhaps, for ever, and that in that little two-story house
happiness was henceforth impossible for him. He realized that the
illusion had evaporated, and that a new life of unrest and clear
sight was beginning which was incompatible with peace and personal
happiness.

Next day, which was Sunday, he was at the school chapel, and there
met his colleagues and the director. It seemed to him that they
were entirely preoccupied with concealing their ignorance and
discontent with life, and he, too, to conceal his uneasiness, smiled
affably and talked of trivialities. Then he went to the station and
saw the mail train come in and go out, and it was agreeable to him
to b