give up these
sighs and groans, which really don't suit you. It's settled and
over! Not a word more about it. Let us talk of something else."

Sofya Petrovna again stole a glance at Ilyin's face. Ilyin was
looking up; he was pale, and was angrily biting his quivering lips.
She could not understand why he was angry and why he was indignant,
but his pallor touched her.

"Don't be angry; let us be friends," she said affectionately.
"Agreed? Here's my hand."

Ilyin took her plump little hand in both of his, squeezed it, and
slowly raised it to his lips.

"I am not a schoolboy," he muttered. "I am not in the least tempted
by friendship with the woman I love."

"Enough, enough! It's settled and done with. We have reached the
seat; let us sit down."

Sofya Petrovna's soul was filled with a sweet sense of relief: the
most difficult and delicate thing had been said, the painful question
was settled and done with. Now she could breathe freely and look
Ilyin straight in the face. She looked at him, and the egoistic
feeling of the superiority of the woman over the man who loves her,
agreeably flattered her. It pleased her to see this huge, strong
man, with his manly, angry face and his big black beard--clever,
cultivated, and, people said, talented--sit down obediently beside
her and bow his head dejectedly. For two or three minutes they sat
without speaking.

"Nothing is settled or done with," began Ilyin. "You repeat copy-book
maxims to me. 'I love and respect my husband . . . the sanctity of
marriage. . . .' I know all that without your help, and I could
tell you more, too. I tell you truthfully and honestly that I
consider the way I am behaving as criminal and immoral. What more
can one say than that? But what's the good of saying what everybody
knows? Instead of feeding nightingales with paltry words, you had
much better tell me what I am to do."

"I've told you already--go away."

"As you know perfectly well, I have gone away five times, and every
time I turned back on the way. I can show you my through tickets
--I've kept them all. I have not will enough to run away from you!
I am struggling. I am struggling horribly; but what the devil am I
good for if I have no backbone, if I am weak, cowardly! I can't
struggle with Nature! Do you understand? I cannot! I run away from
here, and she holds on to me and pulls me back. Contemptible,
loathsome weakness!"

Ilyin flushed crimson, got up, and walked up and down by t