evidence of destruction. Found a well-known shopkeeper in
ecstasies over the ruins of his establishment. He said that, "Although
the revolution might be bad for trade, it would do good, as things
wanted waking up." A slaughter of police and railway officials, which
has just been carried out with infinite spirit, seems to be immensely
popular. If you don't get this, make immediate complaint. Don't
accept, as an excuse, that the wires have been cut, and the office
razed to the ground. They can get it through, if they like.

4 P.M.--Just heard a report that I myself have been killed and buried.
As I can get no corroboration of this statement, I publish it under
reservation. I confine myself to saying that it may be true, although
I have my doubts upon the subject.

6 P.M.--It seems (as I imagined) that the report of my death and
funeral is a canard. This shows how necessary it is to test the truth
of every item of information before hurrying off to the Telegraph
Office. Efforts are now being made to bring about a reconciliation
between the contending parties.

8 P.M.--The revolution is over. When both sides had exhausted their
ammunition, peace naturally became a necessity. The contending parties
are now dining together, _al fresco_, as the town is in ruins. Nothing
more to add save, All's well that ends well!

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

WORKMEN'S.

_"Merry Christmas to you, Sir, and many on 'em!" i.e.,_ "Have you got
that half-crown handy?"

IN THE SMOKING-ROOM.

_"Quite so; but then, you see, that's not my point;" i.e.,_ "It _was_,
ten minutes ago."

_"Yes, but allow me one moment;" i.e.,_ "Kindly give me your close
attention for twenty-five minutes."

SOCIAL.

_"Not your fault, indeed! Mine for having so long a train;" i.e.,_
"Awkward toad!"

_"Where did you get that lovely dress, dear?" i.e.,_ "That I may avoid
that dress-maker."

THEATRICAL.

_"Whose talents have been seen to better advantage:" i.e.,_ "A cruel
bad actor--but can't say so."

_"When the nervousness of a first night has been got over;" i.e.,_
"Never saw a worse play--but it may catch on."

_"The Author's modesty prevented him from responding to loud calls;"
i.e.,_ "Timid youth, probably. Foresaw brickbats."

* * * * *

"BRAVO, TORO!"--M. CONSTANS will not allow Bull-fighting in Paris,
even for "the benefit of the Martinique sufferers." Quite righ