ress me coldly back--the
thumbs I sucked, in blissful ignorance, the thumbs that solaced me
in solitude, the thumbs your County Council took from me, and your
endearments scarcely will replace! Where, Madam, lay the harm in
sucking them? The dog will lick his foot, the cat her claw, his paws
sustain the hibernating bear--and you decree no law to punish
_them_! Yet, in your rage for infantine reform, you rushed this most
ridiculous enactment--its earliest victim your neglected son!

[Illustration]

_C's. M. (falling at his feet)._ Say, CONRAD, you will some day pardon
me?

_Con. (bitterly, as he regards his maimed hands.)_ I will,--the day
these pollards send forth shoots!

_[His_ Mother _turns aside with a heartbroken wail_; CONRAD _standing
apart in gloomy estrangement as the Curtain descends._

[Illustration: "RUNNING HIS EYE OVER THEM".

_Colonel North and Lord Dunraven._ "COME ALONG WITH US, GRANDOLPH.
WE'VE GOT A BETTER LOT THAN THAT."]

"RUNNING HIS EYE OVER THEM."

GRANDOLPH _muses_:--"My Kingdom for a horse!"
Ah, well!
The question is,--which _is_ my Kingdom?
I'm bound to own there _is_ a spell
In Turfdom, Stabledom, and Ringdom,
The spell that Lord GEORGE BENTICK knew,
As DIZZY tells, _I_ feel it too.

He won brief leadership, who might
Have won the Derby! Which was better?
There's rapture in a racer's flight,
There's rust on the official fetter.
Of me the Press tells taradiddles!
Well, I do set the fools strange riddles!

"Fourth Party!" He was no bad start
For a new stable, but he's done with.
"Tory Democracy!" No heart!
But 'tis a mount I've had good fun with.
"Leader!" "Economy!" "Sobriety!"
My Stable has not lacked variety.

What does NORTH say? A ragged lot?
Try a new string? And you, DUNRAVEN?
Humph! Fancy does blow cold and hot.
Audacious now, and now half craven.
Well, freak's an unexhausted fount.
Mentor, can _you_ guess my next mount?

[Illustration: A CAREFUL MAN.

_Host._ "HULLO! WATERING MY CHAMPAGNE! AFRAID OF ITS GETTING INTO
YOUR _HEAD_, I SUPPOSE?"

_Guest._ "No! IT'S NOT MY _HEAD_ I'M AFRAID OF WITH _YOUR_
CHAMPAGNE!"]

* * * * *

MY PITHY JAYNE.

[DR. JAYNE, Bishop of Chester, at a Conference of the Girl's
Friendly Society, at Chester, said that until they were
prepared to introduce basket-making into London Society as a
substitute for quadrilles and waltzes, h