er was expected this morning. It
didn't arrive. Evidently your notions about titles had got abroad, and
the Government has decided to offer a title to Sampson Straight this
afternoon if you refuse.

CULVER. But how delightfully stupid of the Government.

TRANTO. On the contrary it was a really brilliant idea. Sampson Straight
is a great literary celebrity, and he'd look mighty well in the Honours
List. Literature's always a good card to play for Honours. It makes
people think that Cabinet Ministers are educated.

HILDEGARDE. But I've spent half my time in attacking the Government!

TRANTO. Do you suppose the Government doesn't know that? In creating you
a baronet (_gazes at her_) it would gain two advantages--it would prove
how broad-minded it is, and it would turn an enemy into a friend.

HILDEGARDE. But surely the silly Government would make some enquiries
first!

CULVER. Hilda, do remember what your mother said, and try to live up to
your position. This isn't the Government that makes enquiries. It's the
Government that gets things done.

TRANTO. You perceive the extreme urgency of the crisis. I had to act
instantly. I did act. I slew the fellow on the spot, and his obituary
will be in my late extra. The danger was awful--greater even than I
realised at the moment, because I didn't know till I got back here that
there was a genuine and highly unscrupulous Sampson Straight floating
about.

MRS. CULVER. Danger? What danger?

TRANTO. Danger of the Government falling, dear lady. You see, it's like
this. Assuming that the Government offers a baronetcy to Sampson
Straight, and the offer becomes public property, as it infallibly would,
then there are three alternatives. Either the Government has singled out
for honour a person who doesn't exist at all; or it has sought to turn a
woman (_glancing at_ Hilda) into a male creature; or it is holding up to
public admiration an ex-convict. Choose which theory you like. In any
case the exposure would mean the immediate ruin of any Government.

HILDEGARDE (_to_ Tranto). I always thought you _wanted_ the Government
to fall.

CULVER. Good heavens, my gifted child! No enlightened and patriotic
person wants the Government to fall. All enlightened and patriotic
persons want the Government to be afraid of falling. There you have the
whole of war politics in a nut-shell. If the British Government fell the
effect on the Allied cause would be bad, and might be extremely bad. But