? Time is money; why should
I make Messrs. TOWER, FONDLER & Co. a present of twenty pounds, or,
for the matter of that, even ten shillings? If I misapprehend the
situation, and you are doing your work gratis and for the love of the
thing, then that is _your_ affair, not mine: I'm glad to hear it, and
regret my inability to join you in the luxury of giving away what it
is an imperative necessity of my existence to sell at the best price
I can. Do you honestly imagine, Sir, that my literary position will
be one farthing's-worth improved by a memoir and a portrait of me
appearing in your widely-circulated journal? If _you_ do, _I don't_;
and I prefer to be paid for my work, whether I dictate the material to
a scribe, who is to serve it up in his own fashion, or whether I write
it myself. And now I come to consider it, I should be inclined to make
an additional charge for _not_ writing it myself, Not to take you and
your worthy firm of employers by surprise, I will make out beforehand
a supposititious bill, and then Messrs. TOWER & Co. can close with my
offer or not, as they please.

L. s. d.
To preparing (in special costume) to receive Interviewer,
for putting aside letters, refusing to see tradesmen, &c. 3 0 0
To receiving Interviewer, Photographer, and Artist, and
talking about nothing in particular for ten minutes. 5 0 0
To cigars and light refreshments all round. 10 6
To giving an account of my life and works generally
(this being the article itself). 20 0 0
To showing photographs, books, pictures, playbills, and
various curios in my collection. 5 0 0
To being photographed in several attitudes in the back
garden three times, and incurring the danger of catching
a severe cold. 3 0 0
(***_On the condition that I should sign all photos sold
inspect books, and receive_ 10 _per cent. of gross receipts._)
To allowing black-and-white Artist to make a sketch of my
study, also of myself. 0 0 0
(***_On the condition that only this one picture is to
be done, and that if sold separately, I must receive_
10 _per cent. of such sale._)
Luncheon, with champagne for the lot, at 15s. per head 2 5 0
Cigars and liqueurs.