ht,
yet will I answer for it, that this self-same tune will not be play'd
this twelvemonth.

We have taken our measures badly, quoth my uncle Toby, looking up
interrogatively in Trim's face.

I would lay my Montero-cap, said Trim--Now Trim's Montero-cap, as I once
told you, was his constant wager; and having furbish'd it up that
very night, in order to go upon the attack--it made the odds look more
considerable--I would lay, an' please your honour, my Montero-cap to a
shilling--was it proper, continued Trim (making a bow), to offer a wager
before your honours--

--There is nothing improper in it, said my father--'tis a mode of
expression; for in saying thou would'st lay thy Montero-cap to a
shilling--all thou meanest is this--that thou believest--

--Now, What do'st thou believe?

That widow Wadman, an' please your worship, cannot hold it out ten
days--

And whence, cried Slop, jeeringly, hast thou all this knowledge of
woman, friend?

By falling in love with a popish clergy-woman; said Trim.

'Twas a Beguine, said my uncle Toby.

Doctor Slop was too much in wrath to listen to the distinction; and my
father taking that very crisis to fall in helter-skelter upon the whole
order of Nuns and Beguines, a set of silly, fusty, baggages--Slop could
not stand it--and my uncle Toby having some measures to take about his
breeches--and Yorick about his fourth general division--in order for
their several attacks next day--the company broke up: and my father
being left alone, and having half an hour upon his hands betwixt that
and bed-time; he called for pen, ink, and paper, and wrote my uncle Toby
the following letter of instructions:

My dear brother Toby,

What I am going to say to thee is upon the nature of women, and of
love-making to them; and perhaps it is as well for thee--tho' not so
well for me--that thou hast occasion for a letter of instructions upon
that head, and that I am able to write it to thee.

Had it been the good pleasure of him who disposes of our lots--and
thou no sufferer by the knowledge, I had been well content that thou
should'st have dipp'd the pen this moment into the ink, instead of
myself; but that not being the case--Mrs. Shandy being now close beside
me, preparing for bed--I have thrown together without order, and just as
they have come into my mind, such hints and documents as I deem may be
of use to thee; intending, in this, to give thee a token of my love; not
doubting, my dear To