s last
thrust,--If you won't hold the candle, and look--you may hold it and
shut your eyes:--That's one of your popish shifts, cried Susannah:--'Tis
better, said Slop, with a nod, than no shift at all, young woman;--I
defy you, Sir, cried Susannah, pulling her shift sleeve below her elbow.

It was almost impossible for two persons to assist each other in a
surgical case with a more splenetic cordiality.

Slop snatched up the cataplasm--Susannah snatched up the candle;--A
little this way, said Slop; Susannah looking one way, and rowing
another, instantly set fire to Slop's wig, which being somewhat bushy
and unctuous withal, was burnt out before it was well kindled.--You
impudent whore! cried Slop,--(for what is passion, but a wild
beast?)--you impudent whore, cried Slop, getting upright, with the
cataplasm in his hand;--I never was the destruction of any body's nose,
said Susannah,--which is more than you can say:--Is it? cried Slop,
throwing the cataplasm in her face;--Yes, it is, cried Susannah,
returning the compliment with what was left in the pan.

Chapter 3.XLVII.

Doctor Slop and Susannah filed cross-bills against each other in the
parlour; which done, as the cataplasm had failed, they retired into the
kitchen to prepare a fomentation for me;--and whilst that was doing, my
father determined the point as you will read.

Chapter 3.XLVIII.

You see 'tis high time, said my father, addressing himself equally to my
uncle Toby and Yorick, to take this young creature out of these women's
hands, and put him into those of a private governor. Marcus Antoninus
provided fourteen governors all at once to superintend his son
Commodus's education,--and in six weeks he cashiered five of them;--I
know very well, continued my father, that Commodus's mother was in love
with a gladiator at the time of her conception, which accounts for a
great many of Commodus's cruelties when he became emperor;--but still I
am of opinion, that those five whom Antoninus dismissed, did Commodus's
temper, in that short time, more hurt than the other nine were able to
rectify all their lives long.

Now as I consider the person who is to be about my son, as the mirror
in which he is to view himself from morning to night, by which he is to
adjust his looks, his carriage, and perhaps the inmost sentiments of his
heart;--I would have one, Yorick, if possible, polished at all points,
fit for my child to look into.--This is very good sense, qu