Every man finds it desirable to have tears in his eyes at times,--one
has a sympathy with humid lids. Providence hath beneficially provided
for this want, and given to every man, in its divine forethought,
misfortunes painful to recall. Hence, probably, those human calamities
which the atheist rails against! Wherefore, when you are uttering
some affecting sentiment to your intended dupe, think of the greatest
misfortune you ever had in your life; habit will soon make the
association of tears and that melancholy remembrance constantly
felicitous. I knew, my dear pupils, a most intelligent Frenchman, who
obtained a charming legacy from an old poet by repeating the bard's
verses with streaming eyes. "How were you able to weep at will?" asked I
(I was young then, my pupils). "Je pensois," answered he, "a mon
pauvre pere, qui est mort." The union of sentiment with the ability of
swindling made that Frenchman a most fascinating creature!

VIII.

Never commit the error of the over-shrewd, and deem human nature worse
than it is. Human nature is so damnably good that if it were not for
human art, we knaves could not live. The primary elements of a man's
mind do not sustain us; it is what he owes to "the pains taken with his
education," and "the blessings of civilized society!"

IX.

Whenever you doubt, my pupils, whether your man be a quack or not,
decide the point by seeing if your man be a positive asserter. Nothing
indicates imposture like confidence. Volney saith well, "that the most
celebrated of charlatans--[Mahomet]--and the boldest of tyrants begins
his extraordinary tissue of lies by these words, 'There is no doubt in
this book!'"

X.

There is one way of cheating people peculiar to the British Isles, and
which, my pupils, I earnestly recommend you to import hither,--cheating
by subscription. People like to be plundered in company; dupery then
grows into the spirit of party. Thus one quack very gravely requested
persons to fit up a ship for him and send him round the world as its
captain to make discoveries; and another patriotically suggested that
L10,000 should be subscribed--for what?--to place him in parliament!
Neither of these fellows could have screwed an individual out of a
shilling had he asked him for it in a corner; but a printed list, with
"His Royal Highness" at the top, plays the de