not going to,' said I, somewhat testily, though without a grain of
anger in my heart against any one but the meddling old woman. 'But,
Helen, I've something to say to you before I go.'

'What is it?'

'No, not now--I don't know yet precisely what it is, or how to say it,'
replied I, with more truth than wisdom; and then, fearing lest she should
turn me out of the house, I began talking about indifferent matters in
order to gain time. Meanwhile Rachel came in to kindle the fire, which
was soon effected by thrusting a red-hot poker between the bars of the
grate, where the fuel was already disposed for ignition. She honoured me
with another of her hard, inhospitable looks in departing, but, little
moved thereby, I went on talking; and setting a chair for Mrs. Graham on
one side of the hearth, and one for myself on the other, I ventured to
sit down, though half suspecting she would rather see me go.

In a little while we both relapsed into silence, and continued for
several minutes gazing abstractedly into the fire--she intent upon her
own sad thoughts, and I reflecting how delightful it would be to be
seated thus beside her with no other presence to restrain our
intercourse--not even that of Arthur, our mutual friend, without whom we
had never met before--if only I could venture to speak my mind, and
disburden my full heart of the feelings that had so long oppressed it,
and which it now struggled to retain, with an effort that it seemed
impossible to continue much longer,--and revolving the pros and cons for
opening my heart to her there and then, and imploring a return of
affection, the permission to regard her thenceforth as my own, and the
right and the power to defend her from the calumnies of malicious
tongues. On the one hand, I felt a new-born confidence in my powers of
persuasion--a strong conviction that my own fervour of spirit would grant
me eloquence--that my very determination--the absolute necessity for
succeeding, that I felt must win me what I sought; while, on the other, I
feared to lose the ground I had already gained with so much toil and
skill, and destroy all future hope by one rash effort, when time and
patience might have won success. It was like setting my life upon the
cast of a die; and yet I was ready to resolve upon the attempt. At any
rate, I would entreat the explanation she had half promised to give me
before; I would demand the reason of this hateful barrier, this
mysterious impedime