, old nut-cracker face?" inquired Tom Smart,
rather staggered; though he pretended to carry it off so well.

'"Come, come, Tom," said the old gentleman, "that's not the way to
address solid Spanish mahogany. Damme, you couldn't treat me with less
respect if I was veneered." When the old gentleman said this, he looked
so fierce that Tom began to grow frightened.

'"I didn't mean to treat you with any disrespect, Sir," said Tom, in a
much humbler tone than he had spoken in at first.

'"Well, well," said the old fellow, "perhaps not--perhaps not. Tom--"

'"Sir--"

'"I know everything about you, Tom; everything. You're very poor, Tom."

'"I certainly am," said Tom Smart. "But how came you to know that?"

'"Never mind that," said the old gentleman; "you're much too fond of
punch, Tom."

'Tom Smart was just on the point of protesting that he hadn't tasted a
drop since his last birthday, but when his eye encountered that of the
old gentleman he looked so knowing that Tom blushed, and was silent.

'"Tom," said the old gentleman, "the widow's a fine woman--remarkably
fine woman--eh, Tom?" Here the old fellow screwed up his eyes, cocked
up one of his wasted little legs, and looked altogether so unpleasantly
amorous, that Tom was quite disgusted with the levity of his
behaviour--at his time of life, too! '"I am her guardian, Tom," said the
old gentleman.

'"Are you?" inquired Tom Smart.

'"I knew her mother, Tom," said the old fellow: "and her grandmother.
She was very fond of me--made me this waistcoat, Tom."

'"Did she?" said Tom Smart.

'"And these shoes," said the old fellow, lifting up one of the red cloth
mufflers; "but don't mention it, Tom. I shouldn't like to have it
known that she was so much attached to me. It might occasion some
unpleasantness in the family." When the old rascal said this, he looked
so extremely impertinent, that, as Tom Smart afterwards declared, he
could have sat upon him without remorse.

'"I have been a great favourite among the women in my time, Tom," said
the profligate old debauchee; "hundreds of fine women have sat in my
lap for hours together. What do you think of that, you dog, eh!" The old
gentleman was proceeding to recount some other exploits of his youth,
when he was seized with such a violent fit of creaking that he was
unable to proceed.

'"Just serves you right, old boy," thought Tom Smart; but he didn't say
anything.

'"Ah!" said the old fellow, "I am a good deal t