spicion that she possessed that
most desirable of all requisites, a small independence. The imperative
necessity of ousting his rival by some means or other, flashed quickly
upon him, and he immediately resolved to adopt certain proceedings
tending to that end and object, without a moment's delay. Fielding tells
us that man is fire, and woman tow, and the Prince of Darkness sets a
light to 'em. Mr. Jingle knew that young men, to spinster aunts, are as
lighted gas to gunpowder, and he determined to essay the effect of an
explosion without loss of time.

Full of reflections upon this important decision, he crept from his
place of concealment, and, under cover of the shrubs before mentioned,
approached the house. Fortune seemed determined to favour his design.
Mr. Tupman and the rest of the gentlemen left the garden by the side
gate just as he obtained a view of it; and the young ladies, he knew,
had walked out alone, soon after breakfast. The coast was clear.

The breakfast-parlour door was partially open. He peeped in. The
spinster aunt was knitting. He coughed; she looked up and smiled.
Hesitation formed no part of Mr. Alfred Jingle's character. He laid his
finger on his lips mysteriously, walked in, and closed the door.

'Miss Wardle,' said Mr. Jingle, with affected earnestness, 'forgive
intrusion--short acquaintance--no time for ceremony--all discovered.'

'Sir!' said the spinster aunt, rather astonished by the unexpected
apparition and somewhat doubtful of Mr. Jingle's sanity.

'Hush!' said Mr. Jingle, in a stage-whisper--'Large boy--dumpling
face--round eyes--rascal!' Here he shook his head expressively, and the
spinster aunt trembled with agitation.

'I presume you allude to Joseph, Sir?' said the lady, making an effort
to appear composed.

'Yes, ma'am--damn that Joe!--treacherous dog, Joe--told the old
lady--old lady furious--wild--raving--arbour--Tupman--kissing and
hugging--all that sort of thing--eh, ma'am--eh?'

'Mr. Jingle,' said the spinster aunt, 'if you come here, Sir, to insult
me--'

'Not at all--by no means,' replied the unabashed Mr. Jingle--'overheard
the tale--came to warn you of your danger--tender my services--prevent
the hubbub. Never mind--think it an insult--leave the room'--and he
turned, as if to carry the threat into execution.

'What SHALL I do!' said the poor spinster, bursting into tears. 'My
brother will be furious.'

'Of course he will,' said Mr. Jingle pausing--'outrageous.