ward simplicity.

'In the buzzim, young man,' replied Mr. Stiggins, placing his umbrella
on his waistcoat.

At this affecting reply, Mrs. Weller, being wholly unable to suppress
her feelings, sobbed aloud, and stated her conviction that the red-nosed
man was a saint; whereupon Mr. Weller, senior, ventured to suggest, in
an undertone, that he must be the representative of the united parishes
of St. Simon Without and St. Walker Within.

'I'm afeered, mum,' said Sam, 'that this here gen'l'm'n, with the twist
in his countenance, feels rather thirsty, with the melancholy spectacle
afore him. Is it the case, mum?'

The worthy lady looked at Mr. Stiggins for a reply; that gentleman, with
many rollings of the eye, clenched his throat with his right hand, and
mimicked the act of swallowing, to intimate that he was athirst.

'I am afraid, Samuel, that his feelings have made him so indeed,' said
Mrs. Weller mournfully.

'Wot's your usual tap, sir?' replied Sam.

'Oh, my dear young friend,' replied Mr. Stiggins, 'all taps is
vanities!'

'Too true, too true, indeed,' said Mrs. Weller, murmuring a groan, and
shaking her head assentingly.

'Well,' said Sam, 'I des-say they may be, sir; but wich is your
partickler wanity? Wich wanity do you like the flavour on best, sir?'

'Oh, my dear young friend,' replied Mr. Stiggins, 'I despise them all.
If,' said Mr. Stiggins--'if there is any one of them less odious than
another, it is the liquor called rum. Warm, my dear young friend, with
three lumps of sugar to the tumbler.'

'Wery sorry to say, sir,' said Sam, 'that they don't allow that
particular wanity to be sold in this here establishment.'

'Oh, the hardness of heart of these inveterate men!' ejaculated Mr.
Stiggins. 'Oh, the accursed cruelty of these inhuman persecutors!'

With these words, Mr. Stiggins again cast up his eyes, and rapped
his breast with his umbrella; and it is but justice to the reverend
gentleman to say, that his indignation appeared very real and unfeigned
indeed.

After Mrs. Weller and the red-nosed gentleman had commented on this
inhuman usage in a very forcible manner, and had vented a variety of
pious and holy execrations against its authors, the latter recommended
a bottle of port wine, warmed with a little water, spice, and sugar, as
being grateful to the stomach, and savouring less of vanity than many
other compounds. It was accordingly ordered to be prepared, and pending
its preparation the