e muscles across and near my diaphragm were too lame and sore for me to
catch a breath in comfort. Perhaps that's not the right word, and I may
not be locating the lamed muscles properly, but if you will go to see
some comedian who will make you laugh until you cry, and cry until you
scream, and laugh and cry and scream until you only breathe in gasps and
sobs, you will next morning know exactly which muscles I have been
referring to--even if you haven't got a diaphragm about you.

But really the mad absurdities Mr. Owens indulged in that night might
have made the very Sphinx smile stonily. As a miserly old man, eating his
bread-and-cheese supper in his cheap little bedroom, and retiring for the
night only to be aroused by officers who are in pursuit of a flying man,
and think they have now found him. Not much to go upon, that, but, oh, if
you could have seen his ravening hunger; have seen his dog-like snaps at
falling crumbs; his slanting of the plate against the light to see if any
streak of butter was being left; his scooping up of bread-crumbs from
his red-handkerchief lap, and eager licking up of the same; have seen him
sorting out his money and laying aside the thin, worn pennies to give the
waiter; breaking off the hardened grease that in melting had run down the
candle's side, putting it away in his valise, "to grease his boots next
winter" (a line he introduced for my especial benefit).

Having gone up-stage and taken off his shoes, he suddenly bethought him
that there might be a few crumbs on the floor, and taking his candle,
down he came to look, and turning his back to the audience, they screamed
with sudden laughter, for two shining bare heels were plainly showing
through his ragged black woollen socks. He paid no heed, but sought
diligently, and when he found a crumb he put his finger to his lip to
moisten it, and pouncing upon the particle, conveyed it to his mouth, and
mumbled so luxuriously one almost envied him. Then, remarking that it was
too cold to undress, he undressed, and as his coat came off he started
toward a chair, saying, querulously: "He couldn't abide a man that wasn't
neat and careful about his clothes," and down he pitched the coat in a
heap upon the floor in front of the chair. His vest he dumped beside
another seat, as he dolorously declared: "He had neat habits ever since
his mother had taught him to put his clothes carefully on the chair at
night."

And so he went up and down and ab