CHAPTER XXII

DIARY--TRANSFORMATION

_December 15._

A FEW days can make a difference in one's life. I'm well on the way of
being a real butterfly. I have bought new dresses, a real evening gown
and a lovely silk dress to wear to the Bridge Club. It's lucky I saved
my money these three months and had a nice surplus to buy these new
things.

Royal is teaching me to play cards. He says I take to them like a duck
to water. Virginia and he are giving me dancing lessons. I love to
dance! The same spirit that prompted me to skip when I wore sunbonnets
is now urging me on to the dance. In a few weeks I'll be ready to join
in the pleasures of my new friends. After the Christmas holidays the
city will be gay until the Lenten season.

_January 5._

I went home for Christmas and I suppose I managed to make everybody
there unhappy and worried. I couldn't let them think I am the same quiet
girl and not tell them about the cards and dancing. Daddy was hurt, but
he didn't scold me. He said plainly that he does not approve of my
course, that he thinks cards and dancing wicked. He added that I had
been taught the difference between right and wrong and was old enough to
see it. Perhaps he thinks I'll "run my horns off quicker" if I'm let go,
as Aunt Maria often says about people. But she didn't say that about me.
She made up for what daddy didn't say. She begged him to make me stay at
home away from the wicked influences of the city. I had the hardest time
to keep calm and not say mean things to her. She's ashamed of me and
afraid people up there will find out how worldly I am. I had to tell
Mother Bab too. I know I hurt her. She was so gentle and lovely about it
that I felt half inclined to tell her I'd give up everything she didn't
approve of, just to please her. But I didn't. I couldn't do that when I
know I'm not doing anything wrong. She changed the subject and inquired
about my music. In that I was able to please her. She shared my joy when
I told her of my critical music master's approval of my progress. I sang
some of my new songs for her and she kissed me with the same love and
tenderness she has always had for me. I wonder sometimes whether I could
possibly have loved my own mother more. Somehow, as I sat with her in
her dear, cozy sitting-room I hated the cards and the dancing and half
wished I had