he end we chose a pair of earrings.

Directly we give 'em to her we saw we'd done wrong. She turned on Dawkins
like a hyener. "'Ave I done my duty and starved us all to death and given
them two the best in the house and slept cold every night to be paid in
gewgaws?" she said. "Didn't I do it willin', and wouldn't I do it agen? and
are you a man or a cur that you stand there expectin' me to put them things
into my ears instead of behind the fire?" In another minute the earrings
was melted. It were some consolation to me and Jim that she didn't refuse
to shake 'ands with us when we come away; but Dawkins did, and so did the
young man lodger, and all the little Dawkinses spit at us. We never have
been able to make out who were to blame. We thinks sometimes it were Mrs.
Dawkins.

* * * * *

How it strikes the Hyphenated.

An extract from _Los Angeles Germania_, which describes itself as "An
American newspaper printed in the German and American languages":--

"At last the mask is removed from the hypocritical face of England. The
cloven hoof of British insolence has struck square into the face of
Uncle Sam."

* * * * *

Holders of the old War Loan who are not yet converted to conversion may be
led to a decision by the discovery that "BONAR LAW" spells "War Loan 'B.'"

* * * * *

"LADY SECRETARY. For small Nurses' Home where nurses do not sleep."--
_Women's Employment._

Applicants should beware, as insomnia is very catching.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Sergeant._ "KEEP YER POINT UP LIKE YER DOIN' NOW, CAN'T
YER? YOU WON'T NEVER GET YER MAN IF YER DON'T KEEP YER POINT UP. HAVE YER
NEVER DONE NO BAYONET PRACTICE BEFORE?"

_Private_ (_just out of hospital, very bored_). "I'VE DONE THIS 'ERE TO THE
BLOOMIN' BOSCHES, I 'AVE."

_Sergeant._ "OH. YOU 'AVE, 'AVE YOU? NO WONDER THE WAR'S LASTED TWO AND A
'ALF YEARS."]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)

Do you remember a clever, gloomy story that Mr. HUGH WALPOLE wrote, some
years ago, about a pack of schoolmasters who got so monstrously upon one
another's nerves that the result was attempted murder? I have just been
reading a new story that may be regarded as the female counterpart of the
same tragedy. _Regiment of Women_ (HEINEMANN) is described a