'ave 'ad two pints.

I lay awake best part of next day thinking it over, and when I got up I
'ad made up my mind. I put my clothes in a sack, and then I put on some
others as much like 'em as possible, on'y p'r'aps a bit older, in case
the missis should get asking questions; and then I sat wondering 'ow to
get out with the sack without 'er noticing it. She's got a very
inquiring mind, and I wasn't going to tell her any lies about it.
Besides which I couldn't think of one.

I got out at last by playing a game on her. I pertended to drop 'arf a
dollar in the washus, and while she was busy on 'er hands and knees I
went off as comfortable as you please.

I got into the office with it all right, and, just as it was getting
dark, a cab drove up to the wharf and the actor-chap jumped out with a
big leather bag. I took 'im into the private office, and 'e was so
ready with 'is money for the clothes that I offered to throw the sack
in.

He changed into my clothes fust of all, and then, asking me to sit down
in front of 'im, he took a looking-glass and a box out of 'is bag and
began to alter 'is face. Wot with sticks of coloured paint, and false
eyebrows, and a beard stuck on with gum and trimmed with a pair o'
scissors, it was more like a conjuring trick than anything else. Then
'e took a wig out of 'is bag and pressed it on his 'ead, put on the cap,
put some black stuff on 'is teeth, and there he was. We both looked
into the glass together while 'e gave the finishing touches, and then he
clapped me on the back and said I was the handsomest sailorman in
England.

"I shall have to make up a bit 'eavier when I'm behind the floats," he
ses; "but this is enough for 'ere. Wot do you think of the imitation of
your voice? I think I've got it exact."

"If you ask me," I ses, "it sounds like a poll-parrot with a cold in the
'ead."

"And now for your walk," he ses, looking as pleased as if I'd said
something else. "Come to the door and see me go up the wharf."

I didn't like to hurt 'is feelings, but I thought I should ha' bust. He
walked up that wharf like a dancing-bear in a pair of trousers too tight
for it, but 'e was so pleased with 'imself that I didn't like to tell
'im so. He went up and down two or three times, and I never saw
anything so ridikerlous in my life.

"That's all very well for us," he ses; "but wot about other people?
That's wot I want to know. I'll go and 'ave a drink, and see whether
anybody s