quite
disinterested; and this in its turn means an absolute identification
of self with the object of friendship. The egoism of human nature is
so strongly antagonistic to any such sympathy, that true friendship
belongs to that class of things--the sea-serpent, for instance,--with
regard to which no one knows whether they are fabulous or really exist
somewhere or other.

Still, in many cases, there is a grain of true and genuine friendship
in the relation of man to man, though generally, of course, some
secret personal interest is at the bottom of them--some one among the
many forms that selfishness can take. But in a world where all is
imperfect, this grain of true feeling is such an ennobling influence
that it gives some warrant for calling those relations by the name of
friendship, for they stand far above the ordinary friendships that
prevail amongst mankind. The latter are so constituted that, were you
to hear how your dear friends speak of you behind your back, you would
never say another word to them.

Apart from the case where it would be a real help to you if your
friend were to make some great sacrifice to serve you, there is no
better means of testing the genuineness of his feelings than the way
in which he receives the news of a misfortune that has just happened
to you. At that moment the expression of his features will either show
that his one thought is that of true and sincere sympathy for you; or
else the absolute composure of his countenance, or the passing trace
of something other than sympathy, will confirm the well-known maxim
of La Rochefoucauld: _Dans l'adversite de nos meilleurs amis, nous
trouvons toujours quelque chose qui ne nous deplait pas_. Indeed, at
such a moment, the ordinary so-called friend will find it hard to
suppress the signs of a slight smile of pleasure. There are few ways
by which you can make more certain of putting people into a good humor
than by telling them of some trouble that has recently befallen you,
or by unreservedly disclosing some personal weakness of yours. How
characteristic this is of humanity!

Distance and long absence are always prejudicial to friendship,
however disinclined a man may be to admit. Our regard for people whom
we do not see--even though they be our dearest friends--gradually
dries up in the course of years, and they become abstract notions;
so that our interest in them grows to be more and more
intellectual,--nay, it is kept up only as a kind