as I meditated
over my avowal, and I could scarce help accusing Power of a breach of
friendship for exacting a confession which, in reality, I had volunteered
to give him. How Lucy herself would think of my conduct was ever occurring
to my thoughts, and I felt, as I ruminated upon the conjectures it might
give rise to, how much more likely a favorable opinion might now be formed
of me, than when such an estimation could have crowned me with delight.

"Yes," thought I, "she will at last learn to know him who loved her with
truth and with devoted affection; and when the blight of all his hopes is
accomplished, the fair fame of his fidelity will be proved. The march,
the bivouac, the battle-field, are now all to me; and the campaign alone
presents a prospect which may fill up the aching void that disappointed and
ruined hopes have left behind them."

How I longed for the loud call of the trumpet, the clash of the steel, the
tramp of the war-horse; though the proud distinction of a soldier's life
were less to me in the distance than the mad and whirlwind passion of a
charge, and the loud din of the rolling artillery.

It was only some hours after, as I sat alone in my chamber, that all the
circumstances of our meeting came back clearly to my memory, and I could
not help muttering to myself,--

"It is indeed a hard lot, that to cheer the heart of my friend, I must bear
witness to the despair that shed darkness on my own."

CHAPTER XVI.

MY CHARGER.

Although I felt my heart relieved of a heavy load by the confession I had
made to Power, yet still I shrank from meeting him for some days after;
a kind of fear lest he should in any way recur to our conversation
continually beset me, and I felt that the courage which bore me up for my
first effort would desert me on the next occasion.

My determination to join my regiment was now made up, and I sent forward a
resignation of my appointment to Sir George Dashwood's staff, which I
had never been in health to fulfil, and commenced with energy all my
preparations for a speedy departure.

The reply to my rather formal letter was a most kind note written by
himself. He regretted the unhappy cause which had so long separated us, and
though wishing, as he expressed it, to have me near him, perfectly approved
of my resolution.

"Active service alone, my dear boy, can ever place you in the
position you ought to occupy; and I rejoice the more at your decision