. Of course he was
diffident. Was it not one and the same thing? The very pride of which
he was accused was no more than that shrinking which comes from the
want of trust in oneself. He was a shy man. All his friends and all
his enemies knew that;--it was thus that he still discoursed with
himself;--a shy, self-conscious, timid, shrinking, thin-skinned man!
Of course he was diffident. Then why urge him on to tasks for which
he was by nature unfitted?

And yet there was much in his old friend's letter which moved him.
There were certain words which he kept on repeating to himself. "He
cannot be justified in even remembering that he has a self." It was
a hard thing to say of any man, but yet a true thing of such a man
as his correspondent had described. His correspondent had spoken of
a man who should know himself to be capable of serving the State.
If a man were capable, and was sure within his own bosom of his own
capacity, it would be his duty. But what if he were not so satisfied?
What if he felt that any labours of his would be vain, and all
self-abnegation useless? His friend had told him that on that matter
he was bound to take the opinion of others. Perhaps so. But if so,
had not that opinion been given to him very plainly when he was told
that he was both proud and diffident? That he was called upon to
serve his country by good service, if such were within his power, he
did acknowledge freely; but not that he should allow himself to be
stuck up as a ninepin only to be knocked down! There are politicians
for whom such occupation seems to be proper;--and who like it too. A
little office, a little power, a little rank, a little pay, a little
niche in the ephemeral history of the year will reward many men
adequately for being knocked down.

And yet he loved power, and even when thinking of all this allowed
his mind from time to time to run away into a dreamland of
prosperous political labours. He thought what it would be to be
an all-beneficent Prime Minister, with a loyal majority, with a
well-conditioned unanimous cabinet, with a grateful people, and an
appreciative Sovereign. How well might a man spend himself night and
day, even to death, in the midst of labours such as these.

Half an hour after receiving the Duke's letter he suddenly jumped up
and sat himself down at his desk. He felt it to be necessary that he
should at once write to his old friend;--and the more necessary that
he should do so at once, bec