nderful
sort of eyes that you can see two ways at once with, one of them looks
down the street, while the other one is watching round the corner. Can
see you coming any way. And her mouth!"

It appears that if she stands anywhere near the curb and smiles, careless
people mistake her for a pillar-box, and drop letters into her.

"And such a voice!" We are told it is a perfect imitation of a motor-
car. When she laughs people spring into doorways to escape being run
over.

If he will marry that sort of woman, what can he expect? The man is
asking for it.

The lady who followed him also told us a sad story of misplaced trust.
She also was comic--so the programme assured us. The humorist appears to
have no luck. She had lent her lover money to buy the ring, and the
licence, and to furnish the flat. He did buy the ring, and he furnished
the flat, but it was for another lady. The audience roared. I have
heard it so often asked, "What is humour?" From observation, I should
describe it as other people's troubles.

A male performer followed her. He came on dressed in a night-shirt,
carrying a baby. His wife, it seemed, had gone out for the evening with
the lodger. That was his joke. It was the most successful song of the
whole six.

The one sure Joke.

A philosopher has put it on record that he always felt sad when he
reflected on the sorrows of humanity. But when he reflected on its
amusements he felt sadder still.

Why was it so funny that the baby had the lodger's nose? We laughed for
a full minute by the clock.

Why do I love to see a flabby-faced man go behind curtains, and, emerging
in a wig and a false beard, say that he is now Bismarck or Mr.
Chamberlain? I have felt resentment against the Lightning Impersonator
ever since the days of Queen Victoria's Diamond Jubilee. During that
summer every Lightning Impersonator ended his show by shouting, while the
band played the National Anthem, "Queen Victoria!" He was not a bit like
Queen Victoria. He did not even, to my thinking, look a lady; but at
once I had to stand up in my place and sing "God save the Queen." It was
a time of enthusiastic loyalty; if you did not spring up quickly some
patriotic old fool from the back would reach across and hit you over the
head with the first thing he could lay his hands upon.

Other music-hall performers caught at the idea. By ending up with "God
save the Queen" any performer, however poor, could r