t you should take it for a
lie; nor a lie, but with a design that you should take it for a truth;
that those he speaks worst of behind their backs are in the surest way of
preferment; and whenever he begins to praise you to others, or to
yourself, you are from that day forlorn. The worst mark you can receive
is a promise, especially when it is confirmed with an oath; after which,
every wise man retires, and gives over all hopes.

"There are three methods, by which a man may rise to be chief minister.
The first is, by knowing how, with prudence, to dispose of a wife, a
daughter, or a sister; the second, by betraying or undermining his
predecessor; and the third is, by a furious zeal, in public assemblies,
against the corruption's of the court. But a wise prince would rather
choose to employ those who practise the last of these methods; because
such zealots prove always the most obsequious and subservient to the will
and passions of their master. That these ministers, having all
employments at their disposal, preserve themselves in power, by bribing
the majority of a senate or great council; and at last, by an expedient,
called an act of indemnity" (whereof I described the nature to him),
"they secure themselves from after-reckonings, and retire from the public
laden with the spoils of the nation.

"The palace of a chief minister is a seminary to breed up others in his
own trade: the pages, lackeys, and porters, by imitating their master,
become ministers of state in their several districts, and learn to excel
in the three principal ingredients, of insolence, lying, and bribery.
Accordingly, they have a subaltern court paid to them by persons of the
best rank; and sometimes by the force of dexterity and impudence, arrive,
through several gradations, to be successors to their lord.

"He is usually governed by a decayed wench, or favourite footman, who are
the tunnels through which all graces are conveyed, and may properly be
called, in the last resort, the governors of the kingdom."

One day, in discourse, my master, having heard me mention the nobility of
my country, was pleased to make me a compliment which I could not pretend
to deserve: "that he was sure I must have been born of some noble family,
because I far exceeded in shape, colour, and cleanliness, all the
_Yahoos_ of his nation, although I seemed to fail in strength and
agility, which must be imputed to my different way of living from those
other brutes; a