e and assist my mother. The company all
rose, like a covey of partridges: one lady spoiled a new pink satin gown
by a tip of the elbow from her next neighbour, just as a spoonful of
soup had reached "the rosy portals of her mouth;" the little spaniel,
Carlo, set up a loud and incessant bark; and in one minute the whole
comely arrangement of the feast was converted into anarchy and
confusion.

Order was, however, soon restored: my mother recovered her composure--my
father shook me by the hand--the company all agreed that I was a very
fine, interesting boy--the ladies resumed their seats, and I had the
satisfaction to observe that my sudden appearance had not deprived them
of their appetites. I soon convinced them that in this particular, at
least, I also was in high training. My midshipman's life had neither
disqualified nor disgusted me with the luxuries of the table; nor did I
manifest the slightest backwardness or diffidence when invited by the
gentlemen to take wine. I answered every question with such fluency of
speech, and such compound interest of words, as sometimes caused the
propounder to regret that he had put me to the trouble of speaking.

I gave a very florid description of the fight; praised some admirals and
captains for their bravery, sneered at others, and accused a few of
right down misconduct. Now and then, by way of carrying conviction into
my auditors' very souls, I rammed home my charges with an oath, at which
my father looked grave, my mother held up her finger, the gentlemen
laughed, and the ladies all said with a smile, "Sweet boy!--what
animation--what sense--what discernment!" Thinks I to myself, "You are
as complete a set of gulls as ever picked up a bit of biscuit!"

Next morning, while my recent arrival was still warm, I broke the
subject of my chest to my father and mother at breakfast; indeed, my
father, very fortunately for me, began by inquiring how my stock of
clothes held out.

"Bad enough," said I, as I demolished the third egg, for I still had a
good appetite at breakfast.

"Bad enough!" repeated my father, "why you were extremely well fitted
with everything."

"Very true, sir," said I; "but then you don't know what a man-of-war is
in clearing for action; everything not too hot or too heavy is chucked
overboard with as little ceremony as I swallow this muffin. `Whose
hat-box is this?' `Mr Spratt's, sir.' `Damn Mr Spratt, I'll teach
him to keep his hat-box safe anothe