ill pardon my reminding him that the Coldstream Guards do
_not_ wear varnished or patent-leather boots with a tunic, except
in "_Levee_ dress;" that Mr. CHARLES WARNER did not play a private
soldier in "the same distinguished regiment," but in the Grenadiers;
that a Captain could never, by any possibility be "on guard" at the
Tower; that the officer on duty at the Tower is called the "Picquet,"
and not the "Orderly" officer, and is never a Captain; that no
Guardsman has ever, in the memory of man, worn a "scarf" in uniform;
and that no soldier, worthy of the name, considers the mess of his own
Battalion "an odd sort of place to dine at," even "in the height of
the Season."

I may add that my mother tells me she has often had her Court-dress
altered on the very morning of the "Drawing-Room." With these few
trifling exceptions, "AN OLD SOLDIER's" letter is most accurate and
just.

I am, Dear _Mr. Punch_, Your enthusiastic Admirer,

A PRESENT GUARDSMAN.

* * * * *

"HERE WE ARE AGAIN!"--Last Friday, a Correspondent of the P.M.G.,
onboard the _Angola_, interviewed "the Marine-mystery, the
Sea-serpent," off the West Coast of Africa. It showed "two tremendous
green eyes." The narrator counts upon there being a considerable
amount of green in the eyes of those who don't happen to be
Sea-serpents--unless after using very strong glasses (hot) and plenty
of 'em.

* * * * *

"WE ARE NOTHING IF NOT CORRECT."--In last week's number the title
of Picture, p. 198, should have been "Studies in _Contrapuntal_ (not
'Continental') Perspective;" and at p. 201, in EFFIE's reply to the
Governess, "AN" was a misprint for "no." This information will relieve
a vast number of perplexed inquirers.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE GENTLE EGOTIST.

_The Doctor_. "AND WHICH OF YOU TWO LADIES IS THE INVALID?"

_Elder Sister_. "I'M SORRY TO SAY IT'S _ME_, DOCTOR!"]

* * * * *

THE ROAD TO RUIN;

_OR, THE REAL MILITARY LONG-DISTANCE RIDE._

["A quarter of a century hence, France will have more than
four million trained soldiers, and Russia more than four
millions and a half. We may deplore, as we will, this
conversion of Europe into a vast camp, but the German
Government, witnessing the development of such colossal armies
on either hand, cannot be said to propose anything excessive
or