t_. "WHICH?" _Office-Boy._ "NEXT, SIR."]

* * * * *

"A Christmas Tree Entertainment will be held in Pelican
Lake schoolhouse on Tuesday, Dec. 23. Everybody welcome, no
admission."--_Vermilion Standard_ (Alberta. No relation to
_The Sporting Times_).

You are at perfect liberty to hang about outside.

* * * * *

"No one can deny that it is essential London should have a
thoroughly equipped shin hospital."--_Advt. in "Sphere."_

No footballer, anyhow.

* * * * *

FROM A GENERAL KNOWLEDGE (SIC) EXAMINATION.

The Cat and Mouse Act is an Act by which a cat may not kill a mouse
unless when necessary.

The Apocalypse is an ailment one has apolcalyptic fits.

Sea-legs are when you don't have legs but a tail.

The All Red Route is the human throat or swallow.

Ten instruments for an orchestra are banjo, pianola, concertina,
mandoline, psalteries, shawms, bagpipes, bells to clash with, violins,
and bassinette.

To die in harness means to die married.

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

"THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL."

EMERSON says somewhere that there are great ways of borrowing; that,
if you can contrive to transmute base metal into fine, nobody will
worry as to where you got your base metal from. But, when it is the
other way about, I think you must not be surprised if people ask
you where you lifted your gold. And the answer, in the case of Miss
ELEANOR GATES, is that the nuggets were the property of LEWIS
CARROLL. She has taken the sprightly and fantastic humour of _Alice
in Wonderland,_ passed it through the alembic (if that is the word) of
her American imagination, and the result is something that hardly lets
you smile at all. It is not a typical product of native industry, but
even that does not make it much easier for us to grasp the secret of
its success over there. It would seem that nearly all Transatlantic
humour, indigenous or adoptive, is apt, like certain wines, to suffer
in the process of sea-transit.

Her "Poor Little Rich Girl" is poor because her parents are too
rich. Her father is too busy with finance and her mother with social
climbing to spare time for their daughter's company, so they leave
her to the care of governesses and menials. Her nurse, anxious for
an evening out at a picture-palace, gives the child an overdose of
sleeping-mixture, with th