as I!

But with the women and the children crowding everywhere, the sick in my
chamber, the helpless in every corner, it will be seen that we, too, had
much to do. And our hearts were elsewhere, with those who were watching
the city, who were face to face with those in whom they had not
believed. We were going and coming all day long with food for them, and
there never was a time of the night or day that there were not many of
us watching on the brow of the hill to see if any change came in Semur.
Agathe and I, and our children, were all together in one little room.
She believed in God, but it was not any comfort to her; sometimes she
would weep and pray all day long; sometimes entreat her husband to
abandon the city, to go elsewhere and live, and fly from this strange
fate. She is one who cannot endure to be unhappy--not to have what she
wishes. As for me, I was brought up in poverty, and it is no wonder if
I can more easily submit. She was not willing that I should come this
morning to Semur. In the night the Mere Julie had roused us, saying she
had seen a procession of angels coming to restore us to the city. Ah! to
those who have no knowledge it is easy to speak of processions of
angels. But to those who have seen what an angel is--how they flock upon
us unawares in the darkness, so that one is confused, and scarce can
tell if it is reality or a dream; to those who have heard a little voice
soft as the dew coming out of heaven! I said to them--for all were in a
great tumult--that the angels do not come in processions, they steal
upon us unaware, they reveal themselves in the soul. But they did not
listen to me; even Agathe took pleasure in hearing of the revelation. As
for me, I had denied myself, I had not seen Martin for a night and a
day. I took one of the great baskets, and I went with the women who were
the messengers for the day. A purpose formed itself in my heart, it was
to make my way into the city, I know not how, and implore them to have
pity upon us before the people were distraught. Perhaps, had I been able
to refrain from speaking to Martin, I might have found the occasion I
wished; but how could I conceal my desire from my husband? And now all
is changed, I am rejected and he is gone. He was more worthy. Bonne
Maman is right. Our good God, who is our father, does He require that
one should make profession of faith, that all should be alike? He sees
the heart; and to choose my Martin, does not that pro