I could find no arguments to advance against all this, and so the game
went merrily on.

That day two separate parties arrived within ten minutes of one another.
The Oxford contingent was sitting on the lawn, and revelled in the
disgust of the heads of the families when they were made acquainted with
the state of affairs.

Paterfamilias number two, who I think from his manner must have been a
performing Strong Man, threatened to pitch me and my belongings bodily
into the sea. Young Oxford, however, came to the rescue, and Mr. Strong
Man and family eventually retired amid the hootings of the crowd.

For the curious situation of matters at Sandybank Cottage could no
longer be hidden under a bushel. The news had got abroad, and numbers
of people came up each day now, and sat round our house to enjoy the
fun. In fact we had become one of the centres of attraction of Eastnor,
and the folks travelled up to Sandybank Cottage as at other places they
would have gone to a switchback or a nigger minstrel show.

[Illustration: "THREATENED TO PITCH ME AND MY BELONGINGS BODILY INTO THE
SEA."]

Perhaps the funniest thing was to see the three old maiden ladies come
straggling up every day in single file, each with a wheezy waddling pug
dog in a lead, which was fastened round its body lest undue pressure on
its neck should induce the inevitable apoplectic fit a day sooner than
was assigned for it. They came panting up, and gazed mournfully at the
cottage, and reproachfully at me whenever I appeared, and they looked
sadly at the gradually disappearing supply of potatoes and cabbages for
which they had paid, and which I was eating. For Mr. Joseph Scorer had
sold and been paid for that garden produce no less than sixteen times
over. It needs a genius of that kind to run a garden profitably.

In the natural course of things the local paper gave a humorous account
of the affair, which was copied into one of the London dailies, and this
it was that eventually brought about the climax.

Among the would-be occupants this week was a well-known actress, who
came with her maid and a companion and a white poodle. We had rejoiced
in her exceedingly, at a distance, for many a year, and both my wife and
myself were delighted to make her more intimate acquaintance--much more
delighted, in fact, than, under the circumstances, she was to make ours.
We invited her in, and gave her tea, and apologised for the annoyance
she was being put to throug