onions!

"If I could have had those at seven o'clock," said Aubrey, sadly, "I
could have eaten every one of them. They look delicious, Mary, but I
really--no, don't urge me! Take the dinner off."

"Oh, boss dear, if you'd just take a lick at them!" implored Mary. "Just
one lick--there's a handsome man!"

Aubrey bit his lips. I was trembling on the verge of hysterical laughter.

Mary implored in vain. With our famished eyes on the peas and chicken we
saw them disappear through the swinging door. Mary in her agony was
talking aloud.

"Keep it up!" whispered the Angel. "This will fetch her! She's ready to
cry."

"Oh, but Aubrey," I moaned. "I'm ready to gnaw the napkin and eat my
slippers. Please come and tighten my belt!"

"I know now how explorers and castaways feel," murmured the Angel. "For
heaven's sake, what comes next?"

"Asparagus!" I wailed. "Fresh asparagus. I paid ninety cents for it!
And she's cooked it with her white sauce--oh!"

The door opened and Mary, with pink cheeks and dancing eyes, brought in
and deposited before me my favourite dish. Asparagus on toast. I looked
at it longingly, feverishly! I was famishing. My throat was dry and my
eyes had a savage glare. I had heard of men going mad for want of food.
I know now how they felt.

At first I could not speak. I was obliged to swallow violently.

"There!" cried Mary, triumphantly. "You can't pass that up!"

"Alas!" I sighed, shaking my head. I looked at her and felt simply
murderous. That white-haired old woman's obstinacy in not giving us our
dinner on time was the cause of all my misery. I resolved to rub it in.
Her face was a study.

"Did you ever," I said, mournfully, "see me refuse asparagus before?"

"You're never going to refuse it!" exclaimed Mary, incredulously.
"Missis! I used a pint of cream, to say nothing of the butter! Why,
it's a sin! It's a mortal sin in you not to try it! See, Missis, let me
put a little on your plate. I'll feed it to you like as if you were a
baby! I will indeed!"

"No," I said, clutching at the table-cloth to keep from falling upon that
dish of asparagus and shovelling it down my throat in huge
handfuls,--"no, I couldn't! Mary! I am too weak, really, I think I am
starving!"

I leaned back and closed my eyes. The clock struck nine.

"You've had nothing to eat all day!" cried Mary. "You had only a bite
for your lunch, and that was eight hours ago! Oh, Missis, dear!