cognised virtue is
stimulated.

If a man admires a woman's teeth, she gets new kinds of dentifrice and
constantly endeavours to add to their whiteness. If he speaks
approvingly of her hair, various tonics are purchased. If he alludes to
her mellow voice, she tries conscientiously to make it more beautiful
still.

There is a suspected but not verified relation between a man's affection
and his digestion. With this ideal method of marriage in force, the
dyspeptics could go off by themselves until they felt better, and not be
bothered with tender inquiries concerning their health. If the latch key
unaccountably refused to work at two o'clock in the morning, some other
member of the husband could always assist the absent ones in, and Madam
would never know how many were late.

[Sidenote: The Financial Burden]

The financial burden would indeed be light. The household expenses might
be divided equally and relieving the wife's necessities would be the
happiness of all. One might assume the responsibility of her gowns,
another of her hats and gloves, another might keep her supplied with
bonbons, matinee tickets, flowers, and silk stockings, another might
attend to her jackets and her club dues, her jewels might be the care of
another, and so on. It would be the joy of all of them to see their
peerless wife well dressed, and when she wanted anything in particular,
she need only smile sweetly upon the one whose happy lot it was to have
charge of that department of expense.

There would be no friction, no discord. Madam would be blissfully
content, and men have claimed for years that they could live together
much more amicably than women, and that they never quarrel among
themselves, save in rare instances. This, they say, is because they are
so liberal in their views, but a great many men are so broad-minded that
it makes their heads flat.

It is strange that this happy form of polygamy did not occur to Herr
Schopenhauer. It may be because he was a pessimist--and a man.

[Sidenote: The Most Nervous Time]

The most nervous time of a man's life is the day of his wedding. The
bachelors and benedicts give different reasons for this when they are
gently approached upon the subject, but the majority admit, with lovable
and refreshing conceit, that it is because of their innate modesty and
their aversion to conspicuous prominence.

If this is truly the reason, the widespread fear may be much lessened,
for in the grand matri