* * * * *

EARLY ONE MORNING.

Bound South from Japan to the port of Hong Kong
We fell in with a little junk blowing along;
We met her all bright at the breaking of day,
And we gave her good-morning and passed on our way.
She had stretched her red sails like the wings of a bat,
And light, like a gull, on the water she sat;
She had two big bright eyes for to keep a look-out;
On her stern there were dragons cavorting about.
And Mrs. Ah Fit by the kitchen did sit
Preparing some breakfast for Mr. Ah Fit,
The gentleman who, as we saw when we neared her,
By waggling the tickle-stick skilfully, steered her.
The little Fit men and the little Fit maids
Were playing at tig round the brass carronades,
And with all the delight of a juvenile Briton
The littlest Ah Fitlet was plucking the kitten.
With a "How do you do, Sir?" and "Hip, hip, hooray!"
'Twas so they blew by at the breaking of day.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Comedian_ (_who has been instructed to modify his
humour to suit the taste of a select audience at a charity performance
at the local theatre_). "THERE YOU ARE! NOT A LAUGH! THIS IS WOT COMES
OF YOUR 'FUNNY WITHOUT BEIN' VULGAR'!"]

* * * * *

OUR BIVVIE.

"Not a bad possie," said George, looking round the village. "Let's
rustle a bivvie before the crowd comes along."

All George's performances in the art of rustling bivvies rank as star.
He permits no coarse and obvious gathering of an expectant horde about
the opening door; no slacking of straps and bootlaces until the final
"I will" is said on either side. He debouches in extended order on
the doomed house; gets his range and has the barrage well in hand (the
quantity and quality of Madame's gesticulations furnish the key to
this) before Colin drifts off the horizon and shows a peaked face with
haunting eyes over George's shoulder. Colin does not speak. That is
not his _metier_. He is the star shell illuminating the position; and
usually in about six minutes' time it is safe for John to put in an
appearance with the kit.

This is the recognised procedure, and it has served us indifferently
well up and down three years of war and a good deal of France and
Flanders. Therefore John was not to blame when, after waiting the
scheduled six minutes, he arrived to find the other two still in
the thick of it. Either Colin was not