he darkened
windows where my divinity did not show herself--of coming back to my
lodgings, weary, dusty, and not a bit more sober, somewhere about
eleven o'clock at night, driven to-bed by sheer fatigue, and, even then,
too much in love to go to sleep!

The next day I went through my duties at Dr. Cheron's, and attended an
afternoon lecture at the hospital; but mechanically, like one dreaming.
In the evening I presented myself at the Opera, where Madame de Marignan
received me very graciously, and deigned to accept a superb bouquet for
which I had paid sixteen francs. I found her surrounded by elegant men,
who looked upon me as nobody, and treated me accordingly. Driven to the
back of the box where I could neither speak to her, nor see the stage,
nor achieve even a glimpse of the house, I spent an evening which
certainly fell short of my anticipations. I had, however, the
gratification of seeing my bouquet thrown to Grisi at the end of the
second act, and was permitted the privilege of going in search of Madame
de Marignan's carriage, while somebody else handed her downstairs, and
assisted her with her cloak. A whispered word of thanks, a tiny pressure
of the hand, and the words "come early to-morrow," compensated me,
nevertheless, for every disappointment, and sent me home as blindly
happy as ever.

The next day I called upon her, according to command, and was
transported to the seventh heaven by receiving permission to accompany
her to a morning concert, whereby I missed two lectures, and spent
ten francs.

On the Sunday, having hired a good horse for the occasion, I had the
honor of riding beside her carriage till some better-mounted
acquaintance came to usurp my place and her attention; after which I was
forced to drop behind and bear the eclipse of my glory as
philosophically as I could.

Thus day after day went by, and, for the delusive sake of Madame de
Marignan's bright eyes, I neglected my studies, spent my money, wasted
my time, and incurred the displeasure of Dr. Cheron. Led on from folly
to folly, I was perpetually buoyed up by coquetries which meant nothing,
and as perpetually mortified, disappointed, and neglected. I hoped; I
feared; I fretted; I lost my sleep and my appetite; I felt dissatisfied
with all the world, sometimes blaming myself, and sometimes her--yet
ready to excuse and forgive her at a moment's notice. A boy in
experience even more than in years, I loved with a boy's headlong
passion,