no more than a bandage for my eyes
and cotton for my ears. Only they have no cotton thick enough in this
world."

A third was for reading the mysteries of life in a future state; and a
fourth professed that he would never have joined the club if he had not
been induced to believe in Mr. Darwin.

"I could not bear," said this remarkable suicide, "to be descended from
an ape."

Altogether, the Prince was disappointed by the bearing and conversation
of the members.

"It does not seem to me," he thought, "a matter of so much disturbance.
If a man has made up his mind to kill himself, let him do it, in God's
name, like a gentleman. This flutter and big talk is out of place."

In the meanwhile Colonel Geraldine was a prey to the blackest
apprehensions; the club and its rules were still a mystery, and he
looked round the room for some one who should be able to set his mind at
rest. In this survey his eye lighted on the paralytic person with the
strong spectacles; and seeing him so exceedingly tranquil, he besought
the President, who was going in and out of the room under a pressure of
business, to present him to the gentleman on the divan.

The functionary explained the needlessness of all such formalities
within the club, but nevertheless presented Mr. Hammersmith to Mr.
Malthus.

Mr. Malthus looked at the Colonel curiously, and then requested him to
take a seat upon his right.

"You are a new-comer," he said, "and wish information? You have come to
the proper source. It is two years since I first visited this charming
club."

The Colonel breathed again. If Mr. Malthus had frequented the place for
two years there could be little danger for the Prince in a single
evening. But Geraldine was none the less astonished, and began to
suspect a mystification.

"What!" cried he, "two years! I thought--but indeed I see I have been
made the subject of a pleasantry."

"By no means," replied Mr. Malthus mildly. "My case is peculiar. I am
not, properly speaking, a suicide at all; but, as it were, an honorary
member. I rarely visit the club twice in two months. My infirmity and
the kindness of the President have procured me these little immunities,
for which besides I pay at an advanced rate. Even as it is, my luck has
been extraordinary."

"I am afraid," said the Colonel, "that I must ask you to be more
explicit. You must remember that I am still most imperfectly acquainted
with the rules of the club."

"An ordinary mem