some way became unconscious; although when he woke from this
little seeming trance, which may have lasted for more than a minute,
he found himself still standing upright on his legs. What woke him
was the _sudden consciousness of the north_, which he hadn't felt
for many years; and this gave him extraordinary confidence in
himself, and such a wholesome sense of power and courage that he
quickly recovered his wits; and when the glad surprise of this had
worn itself away he was able to think and realize the terrible thing
that had happened. He was almost pleased that his aunt Caroline was
away. He felt he could not have faced her with such news--it was a
thing easier to write and prepare her for than to tell by word of
mouth.

He walked about Louvain for several hours, to tire himself. Then he
went to Brussels and dined, and again walked about the lamp-lit
streets and up and down the station, and finally went back to
Malines by a late train--very nervous--expecting that the retina of
His right eye would suddenly go pop--yet hugging himself all the
while in his renewed old comfortable feeling of companionship with
the north pole, that made him feel like a boy again; that
inexplicable sensation so intimately associated with all the best
reminiscences of his innocent and happy childhood.

He had been talking to himself like a father all day, though not in
the same strain as M. Noiret; and had almost arrived at framing the
programme of a possible existence--singing at cafes with his
guitar--singing anywhere: he felt sure of a living for himself, and
for the little boy who would have to lead him about--if the worst
came to the worst.

If but the feeling of self-orientation which was so necessary to him
could only be depended upon, he felt that in time he would have
pluck enough to bear anything. Indeed, total eclipse was less
appalling, in its finality, than that miserable sword of Damocles
which had been hanging over him for months--robbing him of his
manhood--poisoning all the springs of life.

Why not make life-long endurance of evil a study, a hobby, and a
pride; and be patient as bronze or marble, and ever wear an
invincible smile at grief, even when in darkness and alone? Why not,
indeed!

And he set himself then and there to smile invincibly, meaning to
keep on smiling for fifty years at least--the blind live long.

[Illustration: "'HELAS! MON JEUNE AMI ... '"]

So he chatted to himself, saying _Sursum cor! Su