war?

GENERAL

[_Turning._

The President expects to hear from our Ambassador any minute about the
private interview he wired he was about to have with the King.

GROSVENOR

[_Taking up the papers._

Seen the latest?

GENERAL

[_Picking out one paper with a particularly flaring headline._

"Iberia planning secret attack," eh? That man Pollen knows more things
that aren't so than a college graduate.

CAPTAIN

[_Taking another paper._

He's entertaining enough, though. I daresay he has some influence.

GROSVENOR

I pray to God that we may keep peace, but we must not let ourselves be
walked over--we must not--

CAPTAIN

[_Laughing._

Exactly. The nation is at last to see what it spends its army and navy
appropriations for. Eh?

GENERAL

No sane man wants war, but if--

CAPTAIN

I'm sane. And I want war. I want to go out and help lambaste those
infernally cocksure armies of that jelly-and-cream King. We've parleyed
long enough. Now we'll fight. Force is the only convincing argument
after all.

GROSVENOR

As our Master said, "I bring a sword"--

GENERAL

[_At the window again._

Fine fellows those. Look at that boy there, third from the end. And that
lieutenant. Strapping, wonderful fellows--with brains! That's the great
thing. Give me five hundred thousand of those and I'll hold off all
comers.

GROSVENOR

[_With nervous acuteness._

How long d'ye think it'll last?

GENERAL

Six months. Maybe a year.

GROSVENOR

[_Tentatively._

You couldn't, I suppose--say--more exactly?

GENERAL

[_With a glance of suspicion._

How should I--before it's even begun?

GROSVENOR

[_Hastily._

Oh--er--just a matter of curiosity.

CAPTAIN

[_Laughing._

At any rate, we'll be back in time for the next presidential election.
We're coming back with the General on our shoulders, and when we drop
him it'll be through the skylight of the President's house.

GENERAL

[_Self-consciously._

Don't talk nonsense.

CAPTAIN

There's nothing like a war to make a man President.

[_At window._

More and more and more of 'em. Bully lines. Not natty enough to be a
joke, just straight and trim. Those fellows'll carry you into the
presidency, General, if anyone can. A few of 'em'll have to choke first,
but that's fisherman's luck.

GENERAL

[_Turning._

That'll do, Dave.

[_A_ PAGE _enters Right._

PAGE

[_Crossing the room._

Mr. G