GILTS VERY RICH?"

"YES, SILVIA, VERY."

"MOTHER, I HOPE WE SHALL NEVER BE RICH?"

"WHY, DARLING?"

"IT MUST BE SO VERY EXPENSIVE!"]

* * * * *

ADVERTISING IN EXCELSIS.

SCENE--_Interior of the Universal Advertisement Stations
Company's Offices. Managing Director discovered presiding
over a large staff of Clerks. Enter Possible Customer._

_Possible Customer._ I see from the papers that it is proposed to turn
the Suez Canal to account by erecting hoardings--have you anything to
do with it?

_Managing Director._ No, Sir; but we do a very large cosmopolitan
business of the same sort. Have you anything to advertise?

_Pos. Cus._ Well, yes--several things. For instance, I am bringing out
a new sort of Beer. Can you recommend me good stations for that?

_Man. Dir._ Certainly, Sir. We have contracted for the whole of the
best positions in the Desert of Sahara. If you get out a good poster
in Arabic, it should be the means of furthering the trade amongst the
Arabs.

_Pos. Cus._ Thanks. Then I have a fresh Pill. What about that?

_Man. Dir._ Well, Sir, pills (excuse the pleasantry) are rather a drug
in the market; but I think we might try it amongst the Esquimaux.
We have some capital crossroads in the Arctic Regions, and a really
commanding position at the North Pole.

_Pos. Cus._ What can I do with a newly-patented Disinfectant?

_Man. Dir._ We have the Spire of Cologne Cathedral, and both sides of
the Bridge of Sighs; in fact, if you like to push the sale in
Venice, we would offer you the front of the Doge's Palace on the most
advantageous terms.

_Pos. Cus._ Then I have an Everlasting Boot.

_Man. Dir._ I must confess, Sir, that boots (you will excuse the
pleasantry) are rather worn out; but perhaps the Himalayas (where we
have all the summits vacant) might suit your purpose.

_Pos. Cus._ Well, I will give your suggestions my best consideration.

_Man. Dir._ (_anxious to trade_). Can't I tempt you, Sir, with a
million bills or so? We have all the best Royal Palaces in Europe, and
the most frequented of the Indian Temples. There is scarcely a spot
of any historical interest that we have not secured for our hoardings.
Just added the Field of Waterloo, the Temple Gardens, and site of
ancient Carthage to our list. We can do it very cheaply for you, Sir,
if your order is a large one.

_Pos. Cus._ How about the papers?

_Man. Dir._ Well, we insert advertiseme