mark on birthdays, and you might take a glass or two and make a
speech, and be so happy and bright that they'd 'ardly know you. If you
want an excuse for calling, you could bring me a box of cigars for my
birthday."

"Or come in to wish you 'Many Happy Returns of the Day,'" said the
thrifty Mr. Sharp.

"And don't forget to get above yourself," said Mr. Culpepper, regarding
him sternly; "in a gentlemanly way, of course. Have as many glasses as
you like--there's no stint about me."

"If it ever comes off," said Mr. Sharp, rising--"if I get her through
you, you shan't have reason to repent it. I'll look after that."

Mr. Culpepper, whose feelings were a trifle ruffled, said that he would
"look after it too." He had a faint idea that, even from his own point
of view, he might have made a better selection for his niece's hand.

Mr. Sharp smoked his first cigarette the following morning, and,
encouraged by the entire absence of any after-effects, purchased a pipe,
which was taken up by a policeman the same evening for obstructing the
public footpath in company with a metal tobacco-box three parts full.

In the matter of ale he found less difficulty. Certainly the taste was
unpleasant, but, treated as medicine and gulped down quickly, it was
endurable. After a day or two he even began to be critical, and on
Monday evening went so far as to complain of its flatness to the
wide-eyed landlord of the "Royal George."

"Too much cellar-work," he said, as he finished his glass and made for
the door.

"Too much! 'Ere, come 'ere," said the landlord, thickly. "I want to
speak to you."

The expert shook his head, and, passing out into, the street, changed
colour as he saw Miss Garland approaching. In a blundering fashion he
clutched at his hat and stammered out a "Good evening."

Miss Garland returned the greeting and, instead of passing on, stopped
and, with a friendly smile, held out her hand. Mr. Sharp shook it
convulsively.

"You are just the man I want to see," she exclaimed. "Aunt and I have
been talking about you all the afternoon."

Mr. Sharp said "Really!"

"But I don't want uncle to see us," pursued Miss Garland, in the low
tones of confidence. "Which way shall we go?"

Mr. Sharp's brain reeled. All ways were alike to him in such company.
He walked beside her like a man in a dream.

"We want to give him a lesson," said the girl, presently. "A lesson that
he will remember."

"Him?" said the yo